Re: Cat C/Adrian M
[...] Really? [...] Someone I know thinks they might be able to fix me. Or they're willing to try. They said we could test it, and that if it doesn't work, or it goes wrong, they can put me back.
To me it's not a question of whether I deserve things. It's whether I deserve these things. [...] I think I've gotten too used to not getting it right. Not being right. I thought the problem had to be me. I was the one who made the mistake. I did the wrong thing. But maybe that's not true.
When I told Newt I loved him, he said he was lucky to be loved by me. And since then, I think I managed to make him not feel that way anymore. I don't think he feels lucky. That is on me. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard. Like you said, I should have just pulled back and waited. But that's in the past now. I can't fix that. All I can do is go forward. Try not to think about what I don't have, who I don't have. Try to think about what I do.