Re: Email anon
Get with the lingo? That's how you dismiss centuries of the development of the language?
No, you don't. If he couldn't deal with your shit, as you so eloquently put it, there are myriad ways he could have gone about trying. Talking to someone, hitting something, throwing something, walking away: he decided to drink. Now it's an inclination I know a number of somethings about but drinking until you've acquired an addiction is in the first place, a choice. Your shit being messed up is an excuse for you to be messed up. You don't bear the brunt of everyone's life-choices just because they're in your orbit, sweetheart. And you call yourself selfish?
'Into you'. Such a charming phrase that is meaningless in almost all contexts. So his finer feelings were so transient in nature that they lasted briefly, absented themselves for four months and then returned? Are you responsible for his inability to identify his own emotional state and to know it from his elbow, too?
Look. You 'fucked up that bad' - and yet you're still with this guy. Who has expressed his emotional state on numerous enough occasions that you're confident he's 'hot for you'. So that makes him two for two at this point.
I suppose if you were the first woman he'd ever met and he was isolated from all examples of relationships past and present, perhaps I'd imbue you with some sort of responsibility by example for your ex. But you weren't, he wasn't, and he sounds like the best kind of idiot with his own emotional luggage heavy-loaded.
I was lit (I presume that means literally?) hitched. And no, we don't talk. I was, in my desire to be very far away from her, thoroughly unpleasant. I've never tried to get in touch, she's no doubt still cursing my name and I didn't want her enough to need to identify whether I wanted her by the time I met my wife. Who made it very clear that she wanted me whether I had any opinion on it or not.
I think you're so busy running yourself around in circles trying to identify what you need to do, or be, or what he might be thinking, or how you might need to do something premeditative before he can have a chance to leave you, say the wrong thing, not react in the right way: that you're exhausting yourself. And possibly, him. But I can't know that, I can only assume it, since I'm talking to you and not him. (I have no desire to, let me be clear). I think you need to look at what you're doing, assess whether it's fear driving you and if it is, work out if just stopping and letting yourself live a little while would be really so catastrophic as you think it will.
Because it's not her. I was lonely before, I am acquainted with lonely and I'm very comfortable with where I am. I am also, as I've said before, unpleasant, scared and selfish. So I won't try. You, on the other hand, may. (And there are some wonderfully accomplished people who sell a fuck and give you a few minutes in a bubble out there).