Re: Misha B/Damian W
He did message about his concerns. His response was to ask if I was selling and I know the matter of the Quiet Home is all he thinks of. I understand that. Freedom fills the mind when one lacks it. The issue arises when he assumes I have nothing else occupying my mind, which he does. It is meant to be my main priority, and it cannot be while I am in the damn hospital. I attempted to respond to his concerns and he continued to press at me. That is how I see it. Then I expressed my frustration to Catalone and her response was, essentially, that I have no right to it. And, to be honest, I regretted ever expressing anything to either of them. [...] I am meant to be a quick learner, but I cannot change how I speak, no matter how I try. Every time I believe I have a handle, someone pushes at me too hard and I snap back and it feels worse than if I had just been myself the entire time. At least then they would get no false impression of me. [...] How did Abraham make you feel awful? I would kill him, were he still here.
But Misha, it is not so simple for me. I was created to manage people. That is my purpose. If I cannot do it, if I require Catalone of all people to tell me how to do what I am meant to do—it does make me flawed and weak. Granted, members of the League do not behave as the carnival employees do. They have made a pledge. But, even still, my point stands. It is the same with the family. I should be able to do it. And if it is both of these things I fail at, is it not more likely it is me failing, rather than some cause of theirs?