Sadie Lynn (sirenonstrings) wrote in repose, @ 2018-01-15 22:34:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | *log, nishka bariss, sadie marella |
Log: Nish And Sadie: Busking and dinner
Who: Nish and Sadie
What: Busking, then dinner, then somehwere warm to sleep :3
Where: Around Main Street
When: Saturday Evening: 1/13
Rating: Medium, narrative talk of accident related death
Status: Log, Complete
What she hadn’t anticipated after leaving California was the loneliness. Granted, this was only a stop on her way back north to Oregon, but being in this place without anyone to really talk to didn’t do much for her morale. James had died two months ago, and she still felt his loss as if it had happened yesterday. And if she was a depressed and bereft lover, Loki was acting like a pouting child. ’Can’t we just find the guy and leave?’ he practically whined. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. “I need to eat,” she muttered quietly, at all times aware whether there was anyone at all in earshot. “And it’s not as if they have search engines for bystanders to accidents. It’s going to take time.” And resources, both of which she was running out of. ’Okay, but this town is creepy,’ he sighed. Across the next intersection she saw a busker up ahead, playing music that was starting to float pleasantly towards her. Something about those notes, that rhythm, was familiar to her, and the longer she listened the more maddening it got. So she started to walk towards the musician, crossing her arms and coming to a stop, listening. And then it hit her, like a ton of bricks settling in the pit of her stomach. That tune, it had been playing in the restaurant on her first real date with James. Six...almost seven years ago now. It felt like a lifetime, and she supposed in a way it was. She could still remember the smell of the food, and the glint of candlelight on his watch, and the cadence of his voice as they spent the night getting to know each other. She’d never had butterflies around him, ever. It was as if they’d always been, and it was years before they found out that they weren’t that far off from the truth. The memory invoked by that tune unfolded inside her like a flower. She could remember what they ate, what they drank, what they talked about. The adorable quirk of his eyebrow when he was teasing her, his icy blue eyes and the scruff that was just enough to be handsome and not overdone. But most of all, she remembered what had happened after dinner, when they had barely made it back to her place before the clothes started coming off. Everything about him was perfect, and now he was gone. Ripped away from her in the most violent way possible. She came back to herself as the song came to an end, and noticed with embarrassment that tears had been tracing down her cheeks. She sniffed and swiped a hand across her cheeks, forcing a smile for the woman looking at her expectantly. “That was beautiful,” she said, her voice cracking, the smile not staying long. “Really. You have a lot of talent.” She glanced down at the obvious, if silent, request for payment on the ground, and then reached into her purse to find her wallet. --- For her part, Sadie was a bit lost in herself today. Repose was closing in on the taking home the title for the places she’d stayed the longest (at least by choice) since picking up to move her life into what it had become. Normally it was a few days here, a few days there, playing for what money she could before moving on to whatever was next. She hadn’t been looking for anything she knew to call by name and instead was mostly just on the run from herself, from the life she’d left behind. Lingering in one place tended to leave room for the roots to grow into a place and...when that happened...well then she had to look at everything. That box had been sealed shut, locked, and stuffed under a bed for a reason and now, in this place, she was finding its contents rattled against their cage. Perhaps that explained why she’d settled on slower pieces this evening. They were the ones more tied to memories of summers in the Old Country, where she’d spend long hours traveling just to find some measure of joy in her life after she landed at the old homestead of the Marella Matriarch. They were things she didn’t normally play for crowds for that reason, even if she told herself it was because the more upbeat numbers drew more coins into her case. They were things that she hadn’t even really meant to be playing just now...instead having just tumbled into them behind closed eyes and riding on a hope that maybe it’d help her feel better if not less haunted. She almost hadn’t noticed anyone had been there at all until blue eyes had blinked open and seen a person clearly quite moved by the piece. Normally she would have smiled, or given a little flourish of a back-bend, but neither the piece nor the moment seemed well suited to such endeavors. So she’d just wind her bow across the strings, letting the movements play out with ne’er a hitch in their notes. When the song closed and the woman let the praise loose on the tail end of wiping tears, that would pull out the first smile she’d given all day. Soft and gentle, with little dimples at the corner of her mouth, it hung there for a moment until she saw the woman reach for her purse. She hadn’t even thought of the way she so expectantly presented herself, never asking for tips out loud but decidedly looking (quite literally, considering the general state of her clothes) like she’d be grateful for them. However, this was not that time. Maybe it was the music, her own sense of memories, or even of just trying to be someone the character in said memories would be proud of, but Sadie wasn’t about to take money for that piece. Instantly she stepped forward, not really thinking about how this might be poor etiquette, and reached out to wave away the notion of money without so much as a word. Two years ago she wouldn’t have batted an eye, she’d have taken the money and just let the moment be, but now? Now she just reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a tissue, thankful she tended to keep them so at the ready in case the cold made her nose run. Now she just held it out across the space between them because it seemed the woman could use it and tried to offer a reassuring smile. Now she just wanted to do something to make her feel better, to presumably chase off whatever had brought about those tears. “No charge for tha’un. Can’ae play you somethin’ else?” She asked, her voice all quiet and natural. Her accent would even roll out, rather than sit subdued like she normally strived for, as well. It was soft spoken, watery, tongue of the Isles she’d picked up from her Gran’ma’ma, mingling with the deepwoods of Kentucky where her adopted parents had moved when she was a babe. It was silk covered T’s and not a hard chord among them, very much on purpose for someone who seemed like they could use a gentle touch to the heart right now. -- Nish swallowed down the lump in her throat and stared at the tissue for a moment, before taking it from her and doing her best to force out another smile. That accent, while much thicker than James’ had been, was so goddamn familiar it hurt. There was something else there with the Irish that made it different, but there were still bits of him there, like an echo of the person she missed the most in this world, crushing her heart. And then she refused to let her pay. Nish frowned down at the ten in her hand, and then back up at her. “Well...only if you’d take this for both songs,” she said, handing the bill over to her. She didn’t know why she needed this, she’d been through enough pain lately, but this felt different. It still hurt, she still felt empty and alone, but this...it felt like catharsis. As if those notes were slowly, drop by drop, filling up the hole that had been left inside of her. “Maybe...another like that one?” she asked quietly. “I don’t know their names, but...I know the melodies.” James had proudly shared his heritage with her, and she with him. But, while he had been born and raised in Ireland, she had only visited Norway, where her grandfather had been born and where her far extended family still lived. --- Sadie considered the response very carefully, looking the woman up and down. She very much wanted to say no, that Ten Dollars was too much, but she couldn’t. On top of the fact that this woman just seemed like she needed this in some way, it also occurred to her that Repose was going to be very generous when it came to what her playing was worth. Maybe it was the Universe, or whatever powers up on high, trying to suggest that here was where she should stay. After all, for a girl who was used to seeing coins come as her only way to pay for much of anything, this was now the second time she’d seen paper money with two numbers printed on it. Before coming to this town she’d seen one five ever. “Aye.” Whatever the case, she took the money this time, carefully folding it up in her fingers before pushing it into her pocket. Even if the woman hadn’t struck a bargain, being offered the money twice just wasn’t something she had the willpower to say no to. “Can do that for you.” It was arguably one of the more easy requests she could have gotten. Taking time to look the woman over again, using it to size up her audience so she might better guess at what songs would be the right ones to play, Sadie just set the bow against the strings and began to play the medley. Sure, it was probably taking advantage of the fact that the woman said she knew only melodies and not songs, that the selections she’d made could and often were all played together as part of a set. It also helped Sadie feel like she was being paid less for each song and, considering how important and moving they seemed to be for the woman in front of her, that made her feel better about the money now set in her pocket. She figured it also wouldn’t hurt things that, as the set was generally more perky and upbeat. Though she wouldn’t break into dance like she normally might have, she did silently hope that maybe, just maybe, the forced smile she’d been offered early might see it as a watering and chance to blossom into something bigger. Smiles, after all, were her favorite currency these days -- even if they didn’t put food on the table. Once the songs were finished, she’d carefully rest her bow against the strings while looking back at her newest patron. Would there be another request coming her way? Certainly Sadie looked ready for it, if not all-too-eager. --- The next song was more lively, and it didn't bring the same heartbreak the first one had. Unlike that one, this new song wasn't quite as familiar, though there were parts she thought she might have recognized. But it was bright and cheerful and she smiled despite herself. It was something she was sure he would have listened to, and it made her nostalgic for a place she'd never been to. Then it ended, and the happiness from those notes began to slowly dissipate. Not completely though, so that her ever present frown seemed to have taken a break for a while. And she found that she didn't want that feeling to end just yet. She noticed the sky getting darker, and remembered her original purpose. “So...I don't want to put you out at all, but I was just on my way to grab some dinner,” she said, nodding to the diner up ahead. “If you're hungry...would you like to join me?” It was such an odd request for her that it caused a bit of discomfort, but the loneliness she'd been feeling lately was somehow worse. She wouldn't mind someone to talk to, at least for the length of a meal. -- Well, now here was a moment that probably could have been a painting, or at the very least captured by some wayward photographer. Touched could have decidedly served as it’s title as that was decidedly the expression in those big blue eyes. It ran down her cheeks, puffed up just so as lips would curl into a gentle smile. She didn’t even miss a beat that wouldn’t have been polite to let pass however and she spoke quite clearly in reply. “I’d love to.” The appreciation was there too, wrapped around her words as she carefully set out packing up her things. She almost never balked at food, even if she would have normally when it was someone who paid her so much money. She thought about it for a split second even, but she’d decided to pass. Sure, this wasn’t the norm, but most people didn’t cry when she played either. That was right up there with dancing or playing alongside her when it came to getting Sadie to put down the violin and be a real girl. In all honesty, it was bigger than either one of those things. It was why something in her gut told her to just...go. She’d clearly touched on a raw vein in this person and leaving her alone now, when she was asking in such a way that Sadie read as this was not a normal question for this woman to be asking her or possibly anyone, just didn’t seem right. Whatever money she was going to make, she’d made today and she could worry about counting it later. She just had to remember to keep the bill under the ten dollars she knew she had, and she’d be fine. “Do you know if they have hot chocolate?” Because that was her absolute favorite thing. “Raspberry’s my favorite.” Because blurting things out sometimes happened when she was excited or, in cases like this one, where she was suddenly trying to remember how to interact with people when she wasn’t playing music. She tried to just make the conversation seem normal, enthusiastic maybe, but not quite the bouncing on her toes usual. “And thank you so very much for the invitation.” She added, not forgetting her manners. “I haven’t met too many people here yet and dinner is always better when there’s other folks around the table with you, I think.” A slow breath, in and out, pushed her back into ease again and just drew herself up to stand alongside the woman. And then all at once she looked quite silly, turned really quickly, realized what she’d forgotten, and just laughed at herself. “M’so sorry, I do this thing sometimes where I --” She just shook her head, laughing again. “My name’s Sadie, what’s yours? Is what I mean to say.” --- Nish waited patiently for the girl to pack up her things and then walked quietly beside her, letting the chatter wash over her like a balm. She usually couldn’t stand inane chatter, but right now just hearing another person who was just living their life and not at all involved in her investigation was soothing to her. The last time she’d talked to anyone besides a gas station attendant or waitress or police officer had been back in California, with friends hovering over her after the accident. She missed them dearly, but they all knew and understood that this was something she needed to do. She knew there would be no peace for her until she found out what happened that night, and who had killed James. She was startled out of her revere with an apology and an introduction. Sadie. “Nish,” she replied with a slight upward quirk of her lips. “I’ve actually never been here, so I don’t know what they have, but hopefully it’s edible,” she said, attempting a joke that she thought fell a bit flat. “I’m just passing through,” she added as explanation; no need to go into detail with just a passing acquaintance.. They arrived at the diner and walked in, finding an empty table while a waitress brought them menus. It was all reasonably priced; one could get a decent meal, drinks and desert for about twenty dollars. “Order whatever you want, my treat,” she said, and this time her smile was a little more genuine. “It’s been a while since I’ve had company, so you’re doing me a favour,” she insisted, so that Sadie didn’t feel as if she was offering her charity or pity. --- So they, her and Nish -- names were to be repeated several times in her head to made sure they stuck -- were new in town. Both of them were wanderers too, which was a point Sadie would gravitate towards in short, short, order. It was easier to relax herself when she felt like the odds of them crossing paths or the paths staying crossed was limited. Less time with a person meant less risk and, even if it made her a little sad on the inside, it just seemed safer. “Me too.” She’d offer in a cool and easy return, a confession that their paths were aligned in that sense. “Or either.” She added as a nod toward the restaurant was given to indicate she hadn’t been there either, though really she should have by now. It was something she would have normally kept to herself, if not for the very real notion that this might be a conversation she didn’t have to worry about as much. With everything (well, most things) less literal now on the table however, it was also easier for her to focus on what else was immediately in front of her. The offer of a free meal wasn’t missed anymore than it was something she’d shy away from. The woman was just passing through town, heard a song that moved her, and now was looking to repay that movement in terms she thought were fair. Then she was just looking for someone to share a hot meal with, something else Sadie could appreciate without question. The fact that Nish had gone so far to underline why she’d invited Sadie, that it was a favor to the woman offering to pay? That too went a long way towards getting the tiny thing to look far less like she was a field mouse that might bolt at the first loud noise. If she felt like she’d earned this more than it was some act of charity, or something worse, it was easier for her to take. However, not a thing in the world could have moved her from that seat if she felt like her being there was paying a kindness out to a soul what needed it and was willing to say so. “Hm.” She looked over the menu thoughtfully, teeth sinking into the right hand corner of her mouth to indicate as much. “Pancakes or French toast...” She half muttered to herself, dragging her index finger across the laminated pages like it might help her make a decision, while also tipping her hand in favor of showing her sweet tooth was both real and quite large. Eventually she’d move onto the more rounded and dinner based foods. Any fare from the ocean would be paid special attention as it was her favorite as far as rounded meals went, but nothing was skipped over. Food was something she got to enjoy rarely lately and, with each new dish, she was quickly discovering both her ‘parents’ had been worse cooks than she realized. She wanted to make sure that she considered all of her options now. It was why she’d listen to what the people around them were ordering, listening for common overlap of servers talking about what was popular. She could keep an ear out for specials that way too, saving herself the trouble of having to ask what they were. She didn’t want to miss the moment to consider each and every one of her options. Drinks, at least, were easy. Coffee, hot chocolate, and water were all ordered with a careful please was thrown in after everything. Making things more questions than requests, though this was at least one avenue where slipping was less troublesome, was habit. If she accidentally suggested a server bring her what she wanted to order, as long as it made it onto the bill as well, that wasn’t a problem at least. “Do you know what you’re getting?” She questioned when it came time to make orders, trying to make conversation just as much as figure out if she needed to hurry along the process and not keep the other woman waiting. If she did, Sadie would just pick something. Whichever way it went, despite her stomach telling her she very much wanted waffles, Sadie settled on something a bit more reasonable. Soup, a hot sandwich, and an appetizer that involved cheese (she loved hot cheese). A consideration was given of dessert and she debated if she wanted to save room for it or stuff her face on things that actually had staying power. Ultimately, she settled on the fact that she’d wait and see, before wiggling her way into comfort and accepting that she was about to have dinner with someone -- and wasn’t that just the nicest thing? Now if she could just figure out what to say... --- Nish allowed a soft smile at the other woman’s gracious acceptance of her offer and watched her maybe a little too long over the top of her menu while scanning for drink options. Something about her ‘hmm’ caught Loki’s attention, and he seemed downright amused at it. ’Looks like you’ve picked up a stray puppy,’ he chided her. She frowned just a little. ’What are you talking about?’ ’Nothing, nothing. Just make sure to feed her twice a day and pick up her poop,’ he laughed. ’Oh my god, you are such an asshole,’ she shot back, amused. ’You love it though,’ he said, and she could feel his grin. ’Shut up!’ she almost chuckled aloud. ’Shutting up.’ She forced her attention back to Sadie, biting down on the inside of her lip to keep from smiling at the ridiculous exchange. When the waitress came by Nish ordered herself a coke (and almost had to physically restrain herself from asking for rum in it) and smiled slightly at the array of beverages Sadie ordered. She didn’t mind at all, she fully expected her to take advantage of her generosity. Nish glanced up at Sadie’s question and shrugged. “Not sure, really, though I’m thinking I could go for some comfort food,” she mused, spying chicken breaded strips with green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy. “Living in a motel means eating out every night, so I try to get something different each time.” She flipped a page and one of her eyebrows rose. “And I’m definitely getting a slice of that giant chocolate cake after,” she added, something approaching her usual easy smile coming out, like the glimpse of sun behind dark clouds. --- “I know how that is, but change is good right?” Optimism reined, always, with Sadie. It was the glue that held her together. To the point that, having once heard and then having the character of Unikitty explained to her, she didn’t even find it inaccurate. She didn’t have that same level of anger in her, but she knew there was something underneath. She still didn’t dare name it, any more than she did turn her back on it, but she’d learned the best way to handle it nevertheless. Keep things in motion. Was the simple thought, a warm little blanket statement idea. She applied it in broad strokes generally, being quite literal with it. Now though, sitting in a diner with someone, about to enjoy a hot meal and a shared smile, she was remembering how to use those same words to fill in conversations. She was remembering how to talk to people, slowly but surely, and shaking off the (literal and metaphorical) cold that had her a little stiff. “I always like to try new things and meet new people.” Appreciation was easy to intone, being something she felt in ways that were so very big. The whole thing rolled on a smile, bright as a Christmas star as hands were politely folded down on the menu in front of her. “Do you want to just order for both of us and we can share?” A beat was taken before she cleared her throat, making sure to structure her words carefully with what came next. “Because I think I could go for some comfort food too and I’d like to know what your comfort foods are?” She was careful to put it out like a question, timidly poking her toes in the water of how Sadie had conversations. She knew it wasn’t for most people, her complete and utter lack of grasp on small talk and where the boundaries of too personal might be in terms of what she asked. She also knew she couldn’t really help it. The topics of things she could talk about, ‘least without garnering pity she had no interest in, was very limited. It didn’t hurt either that, to Sadie, time with people was always very limited these days. She didn’t get moments like this and she really just wanted to connect with people when she did. She wanted, even if just for a few minutes to feel like someone’s friend, someone they really have a care for in a way she missed so very desperately. “I think that’s a good call on the cake too.” Her stomach made an audible noise of agreement at the suggestion and Sadie, suddenly realizing just how hungry she was, slid one hand off the table as and laid it over her belly to muffle the sound. --- Nish was mildly surprised at Sadie’s deference to her idea of comfort food, but then after a slight pause, she nodded, another little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Alright,” she said, glancing up at the waitress and ordering two plates of chicken fingers with buttered green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy and barbecue sauce, and then on a whim added some melted cheese to the mashed potatoes. “I tend to go for salty, creamy, buttery goodness when I’m upset,” she admitted with a shrug, but then realised how that might sound. “Not that you had anything to do with that,” she added quickly, “it's just…” she paused, thinking about how much she wanted to say to a stranger. “I lost someone recently,” she said, “and...that piece reminded me of him. In a good way,” she assured her. More...bittersweet, she'd say. “He was from Ireland,” she said, a nod to Sadie’s accent, “and he was so proud of where he'd come from. We listened to music like that sometimes, though I never knew the names of any of it.” She realised then how much she'd actually said and fell silent. She didn't usually share such personal things so easily, but something about Sadie was downright disarming, and it had her opening up far too much. Still, she couldn't deny that it actually felt good to talk about him, even if it was with someone she'd probably never see again. --- Sadie did something she so rarely had the chance to do: She listened. She listened to the ordering of food, smiling when she recognized all of it as choices she could have seen herself making after a particularly bad day. Grilled Cheese and hot Chocolate (though not together) were like that for her. If she was having a rough one, which some might have argued was daily (and Sadie would have disagreed), there was nothing better for as far as food was concerned. The memory would cause a movement in her mouth that ran parallel with the order of melted cheese on top of the potatoes, a quiet smacking of her lips and the faint poke of tongue in anticipation. It was an expression that dashed like a candle on a table when a door was rushed open to usher someone in from the cold. Some people said Sadie wore her heart on her sleeve. Others sometimes called it her facepaint. Sadie, for her part, would have suggested her heart lived in the violin case beside her, but could also agree with either notion about her. She was as easy to read as a Peanuts comic in the newspaper. She had absolutely no poker face, certainly not when something banged off her chest so hard that it left an dull echo somewhere behind her ears. What Nish had shared was a wound Sadie understood, still fresh and scarring over in the shape of names. It was a sense that washed her in ice water and empathy all at once. It made her want to reach across the table or to say something that would make it better. It forced her to grind her toes in the floor to sit still as her voice dropped to those low satin tones. “M’sorry to ‘ear tha’…” Tiny and gentle as a puppy that just wanted you to feel better, Sadie couldn’t let herself say or do more than that for a second. She just needed to be quiet, to hold a breath in her chest until she felt the drum of her heart settle back down to an indoor volume. “You wan’a talk ‘bout ‘im?” She let the accent out, completely unfettered by the usual clutter and control she kept on it. Carefully clipped back however, would be any ill or manipulative intent. Her hope was that maybe, if the memory was something good for her, tied to pain as it might have been, that maybe it could have helped swing the door open a little further. “An if’n maybe you could hum the songs he liked so, I can tell you what what they’re called?” Paltry as the offering was, Sadie felt maybe it was important. Maybe that was why she’d been approached and why she was here, to help. “If not.” She added quickly, finding a clear smoothness to her voice all at once, though it wouldn’t last. “We can just talk about somethin’ else. -- Not that I mind or nothin’, mind you. I know what tha’s li -- “ She bit back the words hard, feeling herself slipping on the slope of a babble that would have dropped her squarely in the middle of the place on the map marked Way too freakin’ vulnerable. It probably wasn’t fair of her, given what the woman was saying, but the reflex was strong and actually took an act of will to push beyond. “I know wha’ you mean is all.” She finally got out the sentiment she’d been aiming for, finding a fair compromise between what she wanted to offer and what still felt too big to fit out of her mouth. She pushed it down with a drink of water this time. --- Nish caught Sadie’s eyes at the offer to talk, startled. No matter how much she'd hated having to see her therapist, she had to admit to herself that she missed having someone to talk to. And this girl, this stranger, was oddly easy for her to share with. It could be that she was simply that desperate for human contact, or it could be that she just genuinely responded to that disarming way she had about her, and when she dialed back on her offer it made Nish want to talk all the more. And what was the harm, really? She was just passing through, after all. They were strangers to each other, and would probably never see each other again. There was a certain amount of freedom in that. And talking about it would be good for her. Getting it out of herself. So she nodded, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. She hadn't missed Sadie’s almost confession about her own loss, but wouldn't pry. She obviously wanted to keep it to herself. She sighed softly, conjuring an image of James in her mind, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips. “We were soulmates,” she began, not sure what else she could say about him, but to clarify that word. “When we first met, it was like we'd already known each other forever. We just…fit, you know? We were happy together for a few years, but something happened and he had to leave. Four years later - four months ago - he came back to me. And we picked up right where we left off. I was finally whole again. “Two months ago, we were driving to a restaurant for dinner. An SUV ran a red light and hit the passenger side of the car. I was driving. James.. was killed instantly.” She was still healing from it. She still walked with a bit of stiffness, still had twinges of pain when she breathed from her cracked ribs. Still felt the occasional weakness in her arm where it had broken. She'd stayed in California until the doctors were satisfied she wouldn’t make her injuries worse, and as soon as the cast came off her arm she took off after the only lead she had. And it had led her here. --- There were bits here which, to Sadie, was not too unlike looking in a mirror. Heck, she’d made them same faces at herself in more restaurant bathroom mirrors than she’d e’er try and remember. It was puttin’ on a good face and trying to dig the love out of a hard story. It was something that, be good and gosh darned what anyone had ever said about her, tugged at something deep down on her insides. It was twisted in a knot she knew too well but hadn’t dared to try and untie. It was connecting about something that didn’t need a name and wasn’t gonna be said aloud, but Sadie would nod hello to it all the same. Heck she almost reached out to offer her hand, and touch wasn’t a thing so lightly given anymore. She’d just sit real still like, listening to the story told and taking in the pretty bits as intended. Come the middle, she’d be glad she kept tissues in her pockets ‘cause those big blue eyes could already feel the rains coming on. Come the end, she didn’t hide a one of ‘em, and she’d wave off any notion that the woman needed stop the telling. It was a story worth telling, a good one she’d say, even if the ending was a right kick in the violin. “And he was an Irishmen?” She let the words roll all soft and accented just so, seeing as she said James had been rather proud of it, Sadie thought it might be nice to speak of him in such a way. “This fella’ o’yers I mean?” She gave a thoughtful nod, the question being largely rhetorical. “Seems a good sort to be turnin’ your soul over to, big fan of Saints and whatnot, the Irish.” She wasn’t making light for the sake of a joke, but rather to try and provoke a smile. Though there was probably a reason there was so many jokes about the Irish in heaven too… “For what it’s worth?” She gave a bad of her eye, blinking back feelings that were too big to come all the way out; things that were hard and good to feel all at once. “That’s -- I’m glad you had that, if I am really sorry about the ending like.” Now, finally, she’d break on that impulse and reach out, palm up in a gentle offering if it was wanted. “But thank ye’ for sharin’ it with me and if there’s any more you want to tell, I’ll sit right ‘ere and listen all night yeah?” -- Her talk of saints did draw a watery smile across her features. He’d been raised Catholic, but had ended up more agnostic as an adult. He still crossed himself and swore to God and all that stuff he’d picked up as a kid though, and when they made love she was sure she’d made a believer out of him every time. She looked down at the offered hand for perhaps too long before deciding to accept it, lightly resting hers on top and offering a smile that wasn’t forced. “Thank you,” she said, giving her hand a light squeeze and then pulling away again. Their food came then, and she sat back to allow the waitress to set the plates down. A cloud of mouth-watering steam rose from them, and she felt her stomach rumble in anticipation. Nish shifted in her seat, settling herself in and picking up her fork. “So,” she said, clearing her throat and trying to check her emotions, shifting from sadness to interest. “Are you from around here? I don’t really know much about this place, but it certainly is…” she hesitated. ’Creepy? Strange? Odd?’ Loki offered. “Different,” she finished, smiling softly and cutting a piece of chicken strip, dipping it in mashed potatoes and popping it in her mouth. --- Bringing people warmth and smiles was something rarely observed outside of when she’d play on street corners, but the way the hand was welcome and squeezed made her feel all light on her toes for a second. This was the kind of things she strived to be able to do ever since leaving home, just being good for a person, listening as they needed and doing what she could to bring rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds that seemed to hang over everyone these days. This was the kind of thing that made her feel like she was doing the memory of her Mother and Grandmother proud. “It’s no bother, you’re welcome to keep tellin’ as many stories as you’d like.” The offer was real and genuine in its invitation, though would find pause when the waitress showed up. The door to the offer would sit open so long as Sadie was at the table though and t’was her intent to go about showing that to the woman who sat across from her. Even the roar of her hunger, a thing that came back like a neglected beast when the smell of steam hit her nose, couldn’t steal from the expression. “Me?” She was a little surprised at the question. “Oh no, from back East. Just got here meself not but...a week ago?” She was more than just a little uncertain. Had it been a week? Surely it had been more than two or three days, four maybe? Towns, even as different as this one was proving to be, had developed a bad habit of blending together in the last year. They were places generally identified more by how good the hot chocolate was than by what it was called. Half the time Sadie didn’t even see town names as she was rolled in and dropped off by whatever stranger had carried her there. Repose had been no different, save the conversation that learned her its proper name had been the first to show her that maybe, maybe this was the place she didn’t even know she was searching for. Still so careful with her words, Sadie had to wrestle with what vestiges of table manners she hadn’t lost in the last stretch of her life. The fork would be collected, the napkin set just so in her lap. Shoulders pulled back, she kept her own hands well away from the plates until the other woman had started dishing out food. It was another ritual of practice, something she’d worked extra hard to keep under control given the abuses of her talents she’d thrown out in the world in the name of survival. The tallies and ledgers of her (would be) soul had a long way to go to get back as Sadie saw it and being polite? Well, pennies in the well it might have been, but it was a thing she could do regularly. “I’d say differen’s the word for though, in no mistake.” She chimed, more pleased than anything. “S’not every town where folks make habit of stickin’ the paper in the case.” She paused again, lifting bright blues in thanks to meet Nish’s own. “Or be so kind as to take a stranger out for somethin’ to eat. Thank you ‘gain for it, this all looks quite lovely.” --- Nish silently appreciated Sadie’s offer to keep listening, but now that she’d gotten some of it out, she’d rather be the one listening for a while. The food was good, and she found that she was a lot hungrier than she’d first thought, taking a few more bites of almost-home-cooked food while the other woman spoke. ’Ohh come on, look at her, she’s just a kid really,’ Loki echoed her own thoughts. In truth, she realized she was probably so comfortable around her because she reminded her a lot of Josie, her childhood friend and almost baby sister. They’d been next door neighbours as kids, and their parents had been really close. Nish was the one roped into babysitting her most of the time, and while at the time she’d found her clingy and annoying (a teenager had little in common with a ten year old), as they got older she appreciated her more and more. They’d even reconnected as adults, though circumstances had separated them once again. She made a mental note to call her tonight. She smiled at the compliment, and didn’t even notice that it had come easily this time. “Well, your playing is worth it,” she praised, “did you have professional training, or…” she didn’t want to pry, or judge, or assume. It was obvious that Sadie was of very limited means, but probably wasn’t always. “I’m just saying...you could probably make a lot more money with that in the right setting. Maybe you could audition for an orchestra, or even as live music at a classy restaurant.” She briefly imagined her in a glittery floor length dress playing the violin for dinner guests at some black-tie restaurant. She was definitely good enough. --- “S’a very kind thing of you to say.” Sadie plated the food very sparingly for herself. The act wasn’t out of courtesy or worry however, but rather that she knew she’d eat slower if there was less food in front of her. The very last thing she wanted to do was betray just how hungry she realized she was right now. She’d even manage to keep it up over the course of the conversation, though that probably had more to do with the topics at hand than anything. For her part, Nish had stuck the bullseye of things Sadie could talk about with confidence and excitement alike. “No. My Gran’ma’ma, God rest her soul -- “ Because the Matriarch would been cross to the hills and back if she’d skipped on that. “ -- She taught me to play she did, and read music. I took to it better’n swimmin’ she said.” All proud and wiggly in her seat. It was another thing in her life that, for certain, would come with the bitter sting later. Right now though? Right now it was all sunshine and memories. “Water’s where I learned to dance though, as I figure dancin’s not a whole lot different, ‘cept it’s done on land of course.” This made twice since she’d come here this had happened and Sadie? Well if she wasn’t just beside herself with the amount of good time she was having. Which probably explained why she just kept talking. “Then I did some learnin’ on my own, new styles and the like. Picked up a few things here and there, tricks and whatnot, new dancing to go with it too.” It was the hyper condensed version of it all, but Sadie felt like it hit the high notes on how she’d come to do what she did. Naturally some of the less pleasant bits were left out, but those weren’t things she was proud of as much, nor did she think they were polite conversation for dinner or company. “Problem is there the stuff they always wanna play is about as borin’ as borin’ gets.” She was carefully pacing her words, or trying might have been the better word. Trying and failing more accurately so. She was rambling now, something she did when she lost track of herself, of what she was doing, and it was good there was food to break it all up. At least then Sadie wouldn’t talk with her mouth full. “Which means no disrespect, learning to play Caprice, one through twenty four even, took a good bit of hard work that did.” She paused, sipping at her cocoa and then muttered “Hate to love that bloody song, I do.” She didn’t, but the thing was a nightmare to play. “I did think about doin’ the restaurant bit though. Seemed a thing common enough.” Another bite of food, her grip on restraint slipping slightly as it began to get chewed and swallowed faster. “An a fella’ this week, he told me to come ‘round the carnival and bring the violin, says he might have some work for me there. Couldn’t promise nothin’, but I dun’ae mind.” Sure as the sun had come up, the girl was relaxed as relaxed got. Accent and smiles spilled out alike as she ate and talked. “Figure it couldn’t hurt to go see.” Another sip, tea this time, and more food to follow. Sadie was saving the chicken for last but the potatoes she’d taken had disappeared in barely a breath. She had to slow herself down some, she realized, and in more than just the way she was eating. Cheeks got a bit pink at that, feeling silly for the way she’d just carried on so, but it was brushed aside no different than a note played just slightly out of tune. “What about you, if that’s not a thing you mind me askin’? What’s brought you to the town, such as it is, here?” --- Nish happily let her talk, feeling the words wash over her like soothing waves of cool water. She ate and listened, the accent similar enough to James’s to be comforting, but different enough to not be heartbreaking. She smiled at times, nodded at others, and generally enjoyed the story unfolding in front of her. She thought a carnival would be a great place for her to play and make a lot of money, but her mouth was too full of food to say so. She looked up at her question, swallowing what was in her mouth with an almost startled look. “Ohh, uhhm…” she took a drink of her coke and set it down again. “I came here looking for someone. I…” she hesitated now, unsure if how much was too much information, but then deciding that the girl had shared so much, she might as well be honest right back. “I was in an accident a few months ago, and I was told that someone who saw what happened lived here, in town. I'm just looking to find out what happened.” It was the much simplified version, but accurate enough. “That was...when I lost him,” she added, putting the two stories together for her into a slightly bigger picture. She didn't notice, but this was the first time she'd spoken about it and not had tears fill her eyes. Talking and listening seemed to have soothed her to the point where painful things were somewhat less painful. “He would have liked you,” she said with a smile, no hint of sadness in it this time. “You're so...open, and genuine. Like he was.” she looked up when the waitress came by, collecting Nish’s empty plate and offering dessert. “A piece of chocolate cake each, I think,” she said, smirking a Sadie as she said it. --- This new piece of information had her heart bleeding all over again, and it put more than a few bits of the picture into place. The woman was out lookin’ for answers what might lead her to some closure for the man she’d lost and In an accident no less. It was a sentiment she could relate to, having been so damn angry about it herself once upon a time that it had driven her to do something she still considered unspeakable. She hadn’t realized it at the time, but that’s probably what both her and her Father had been doing. It was coping with a loss, with being angry and wounded and there just being no sense to it whatsoever. She wondered what’d she’d have done then, had the man who had taken things from her been alive. What would she have done then? Try to find him most certainly, but beyond that? Those were dark, dark thoughts, things she didn’t let stay in her head any either. Instead she just went back to food, picking at it more distracted like than not, and found herself entirely uncertain how to respond. She wanted to say that the woman was lucky, that she got to be okay, but that didn’t seem right nor, if Sadie had lost a love like the woman professed, was she entirely sure lucky was the right word to use at all. “I hope you can find whot yer lookin’ for.” She added, not meaning to be talking at her plate as much as she was. “Losin’ folks like that, all sudden like, it leaves a lot of questions it does.” She added her own contribution to it, what pittance she thought it to be worth, but let a small and genuine smile come rolling back.What the woman had added after, well, that was about as touching as touching got, now that she understood everything. The way she’d cried when Sadie had played that song, the reason why she’d invited Sadie to dinner… It made her wish she had something more to offer than just those songs, maybe a couch to sleep on, or a place to stay while she was looking, but sadly she had neither. “Took some learnin’ that did.” She offered in reply to the relatable points she was making between her man and Sadie. She hadn’t always been the way she was now, but hearing it put all out in the open like that? Well, it sure did brighten up that smile some when she let it sink in. “But he seems like a right proper sorta gent, with the way you say he liked music and was open’n’honest, wager I’da like him quite a bit too.” A pause just then, another big smile at the mention of cake, but Sadie was quiet until the waitress had left, not wishing to accidentally overshare this woman’s story with a stranger. “Do you think you could hum any of the songs he liked? Reckon I could probably pick ‘em out by the catchy bits, or the first few notes? If hearin’ ‘em helps, I’d be happy to play one for you anytime you happened to need it.” Because it was all she had, and not offering something just...it didn’t sit right. --- Nish smiled indulgently. “Ahh, you don't want me to sing, I can't carry a tune,” she said with a chuckle. “But I'd be happy to listen to whatever you want to play.” There were a few songs she'd listened to with him that stuck with her, but the melodies were half gone, lost to time and old memories. And that got her thinking. It was getting late, and while she hated her motel room, at least she had somewhere to go back to. She didn't want to offend Sadie, but she also wouldn't feel right leaving her with no place to go. “So...do you have a place to stay then?” she asked, hoping it wouldn't sound like a terrible thing to ask. She glanced up just as two giant slices of cake were set in front of them, and ordered herself a coffee at the same time. --- “Oh come now.” She teased, just a little. “Everyone can sing, it’s not a matter of how good ya’ are at it, jus’ that you enjoy it some’s all.” Which Sadie genuinely meant and it was a sentiment she shared often. Mostly it was about dancing, but she reasoned singing wasn’t any different. Sometimes music just made all the parts of a person move, even the mouth, and Sadie’s never met a soul she thought was bad at it when done for such a reason. For sure she’d met plenty who really only seemed to care about the money and fame, but folks who sang ‘cause they just couldn’t help it or cause they loved it so? She always thought that sounded nice. She’d been content to roll on that thought, right up until Nish came out and asked the very blunt question. T’was like a door had just blown open is what, and all the candles that were lit inside the tiny thing having dinner? Well they all went out at once. Small as small could get in that seat was what she’d become, already feeling that sick roil somewhere in her guts. She’d managed to dodge it plenty this week on account of people not asking specifics like, and she did have the money for one night in the motel...money she was probably going to spend tonight anyway. Taking all of it into account then and considering Sadie didn’t think it was too cold to sleep outside (it was, she just managed by getting out of it where she could), the answer then became one she didn’t really want to give. Blissfully she was given a reprieve when the cake arrived and coffee was ordered from Nish. She ordered herself another hot chocolate, having now consumed all three beverages with what had been a fantastic meal, and tried her best to maybe pretend the question just hadn’t been asked. Which didn’t at all change the fact she knew she was better off if she just answered. So preoccupied was she with the careful putting together of her words, of skipping over phrases like Don’t worry or anything that might have directly let her skip the conversation entirely, that she didn’t even realize how long she’d been quiet. She wanted to do that, to put the idea in the other woman’s head that she didn’t have any reason to even think on where Sadie slept, but she didn’t. She couldn’t because, if she did, that would be the first step on the slippery slope that meant she’d have to leave town… ...And Sadie rather thought she liked it here. So it was, armed with the knowledge she was a terrible liar and didn’t want to have to leave Repose, (which was the strangest feeling all its own) Sadie took another second to think. It also reasoned that not wanting to leave meant she couldn’t go telling the desk manager to just give her a room either. It meant she couldn’t just tell people to give her free food or... She just sighed in defeat. There wasn’t any way around it unless she lied. That was something she also wasn’t a stranger to doing, but...but after everything this woman had just done? Sadie couldn’t lie to her. Maybe if she hadn’t been so nice, or if she’d been obviously working some kinda angle, Sadie could have done it. Never once did Sadie get that feeling though, not even the tiniest bit. “Wager I’ve got enough to find myself somewhere, if’n ah need.” Need was the primary word of that sentence as it was spoken more down at the table than across it. She’d seek shelter if she needed to, if she really thought she was at risk if she didn’t, but that was the only time. Hopefully that answer was good enough to assuage any concerns and skip a conversation full of pity that Sadie just didn’t want to have. She just wanted to go back to feeling like eating cake. --- Nish frowned, immediately noting Sadie’s discomfort and feeling it mirrored in herself. She hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable, but she also couldn’t help her concern. If she hadn’t reminded her of Josie so damn much she probably wouldn’t have cared so much, but she was feeling lonely, and mourning James made her miss the people she cared about even more. ’...don’t you dare, Nish…’ Loki protested, anticipating her next move. ’You don’t have to be so fucking heartless all the time, you know,’ she shot back, her frown deepening. ’People have slept outside for centuries, you know,’ he mocked. ’They also regularly got sick and died because nobody washed their hands,’ she pointed out. ’I’m doing this.’ She wrapped her hands around her coffee mug, looking at the so far untouched slices of cake in front of them. “I don’t usually do things like this,” she admitted aloud, “but...I think I need this right now. I’m not going to be in town very long, but...well, I have a motel room. It’s small and not very nice, but there’s a sofa, and it’s inside…” she paused and looked at her, catching her eyes. “I just wouldn’t feel right if you didn’t have somewhere to sleep tonight,” she finished, “especially after you helped me.” Right now, she felt better than she had in months, and she knew she had Sadie to thank for that. A hot meal didn’t seem to mean much if Sadie ended up sleeping outside after. --- While blissfully unaware of the conversation going on behind the curtain, awkward and uncomfortable were certainly the most appropriate adjectives here. She was trying quite hard to push past it, to shave the feelings off like the way her fork would carve off the tiny sliver of cake, pushing it into a piece of frosting like she might sweeten it up some. She wouldn’t even pick it up off her plate, instead just kind of pushing it around while being careful not to scrape her fork on the plate. She could guess at what was coming next, as Nish began with sentiments about how atypical this was, and Sadie felt her eyes sink even lower. The struggle between taking help and denying it was in intense one at all times. It wasn’t that Sadie was too proud, certainly she’d taken rooms, beds, and the company of strangers during her travels. Instead, the real issue at hand was that Sadie worried about putting herself in a position where someone else was vulnerable around her. Too much time together meant too much room for mistakes on her part and mistakes were...well they were things she needed to avoid now. Blue eyes drifted away from the table to look outside. People were bundling up tighter and soon streetlights would be on. Not only did that tell her that money making opportunities were slipping through her fingers, because people didn’t want to listen to a busker when all they wanted to do was get out of the wind, but it also told her the temperature was falling. It pulled her gaze back to the table, teeth sinking into her lower lip while she continued to think. She clicked over the details. Words like sofa instead of bed weren’t the norm and, not feeling like there was an ulterior motive (not that Sadie objected to such things she just wasn’t in the space to receive them right now), actually managed to get her eyes to lift from the table just in time to catch Nish’s own with a curious sort of expression. If it hadn’t been for what Repose had already been, with that nice ‘gent Misha putting a twenty in her case and lining her up potential work and then buying her snacks and hot chocolate, she might have been more skeptical. If it hadn’t been for the fact that this woman had taken her out to eat and shared stories with her, said she needed this like somehow helping Sadie was going to be a band-aid for the sounds she was feeling, Sadie would have just said ‘No thank you’ and insisted she’d be fine. “Wot --.” The accent was thicker now, tangled all up in her words and Sadie took a second to clear her throat and force it back down to something more manageable. It was important, she knew, to be extra clear when she was feeling that complex bundle of emotions push through her veins. The wrong words could and had broken people. While Sadie didn’t see any glaring warning that’s where she was headed, it mattered that she was careful. Then of course there was everything to consider if she did say yes.. So what if the woman had nefarious designs? It wasn’t like Sadie couldn’t quite literally just tell her to stay on the opposite side of the room, if it came to that. Add to things that the woman had brought her in from the cold, fed her, and shared stories with her and Sadie didn’t even think she’d have rejected the notion outright anyway. She’d certainly put herself on offer to people who’d done less and were less nice… Again she reminded herself she’d been offered a sofa, that, typically speaking, a sofa was not the offer she was normally given if that was a road this was going to turn down...and it drew a thoughtful look from Sadie across the table just then. “What makes you say you need it?” It was the only real question she needed answered before she could say much of anything. She needed to look the other woman in the face, to hear why this was so important, and to see if she believed the reason she was given. Sadie knew she was gullible, she also knew she felt a substantial course of arguments brewing in her head, things that told her the answer was largely irrelevant and she should just take the warm (because that was the most important adjective) place to sleep. --- |