Re: [Carriage House: Janus/Atticus]
Janus' agreement should've felt like a massive breakthrough after two years, but Atticus had edged his way toward understanding over too many slow months for this to smack him in the face with any force. Chuckled to himself a little instead. "Am slow, but I did figure it out somewhere in the first few eyeless weeks. Thing is, Janus, I never want to be anyone else. Sure, I did when I was a kid. That's where the footballer comes from. Was unpopular in high school, awkward, overweight, closeted, ghosts. Had a hard time, and wanted to be that popular guy. Thought there was happiness to be found in being the quarterback. Thought there was happiness to be found in being a proactive cowboy. Wasn't either of those things. But never woke up feeling like them, so had a hard time understanding where you were coming from. Always felt like my skin was me, just wanted to have a different life. Not a different appearance."
Was a lot of words strung together, so Atticus recovered for a few seconds by forking into a casserole that reminded him of his childhood. "Mom didn't cook. Never cooked. But the old lady across the way could make a killer casserole. Betty Crocker, she said. Tasted a lot like this one." He took another bite, indicating he liked the memory that was making its way into his gut.
Put the fork down and reached for his own coke and popped it open. "Question for you. Philosophical one, I guess, and more suited to Steve than to me, but humor me. I know you made your deal after the camp, wasn't anything to do with your appearance, but would you have made the same deal to be able to look how you felt? Guessing you were pretty miserable before. Know you were, based on conversations we've had in the past. Get the feeling that making that deal saved you, at least to a certain degree, in a very different way."