Re: In-person: Misha B/Damian W
[Misha, he hadn't never talked 'bout this openly with anyone. Even when he'd talked 'bout things he should've kept quiet, it was general. It wasn't like this.] Talking 'bout this is like admitting I ain't human. [That was said slow, but he wanted to explain, to make Damian understand that he wasn't causing any real hurting by making the request he had regarding his aunt.] It means I can't get it right. I'm not meant to talk to folks 'bout them feeling better. I'm meant to do what I did to you on that sidewalk. I ain't meant to be seen. We ain't like that. They caution 'gainst it real hard, getting to know charges personal. I want to help, but all I got is talking, and talking ain't real effective, so I end up feeling awful. Daniel's a real good example. I should've made him go on through everything, all the reliving, without him seeing me. The result, it would've been the same without me talking or present. It's lonely, I reckon, and I don't think that's what you were asking any. [That last bit was real knowing, but the words had tumbled, and Misha had allowed them to pour out onto the other boy.]
Okay. [That was repeated soothing, just sound given as Damian climbed onto Misha's lap and held on. The kiss to chin was paired with Misha running his hands 'gainst Damian's back slow as Damian talked.] You're talking 'bout it different than before. [The addiction.] I understand what you mean, Damian. I do. You're saying you want it physically and in your mind, but you ain't electing to want it. It ain't a choice. If you had your choice, you wouldn't want it. [Misha's smile, it was warm as he pressed it to Damian's temple.] You didn't want to want me either, if memory serves. [He looked down some at the boy, after that asking 'bout feeling many things and the words that came after. He watched Damian's fingers on damp hoodie string.] When I feel a whole bunch of things, I just feel them. When I feel nothing, then it usually means I ain't really there. When they first took my daddy, they put me in a place for real crazy children. I wouldn't stop crying, and I already said I tried to kill myself. I reckon I thought my world was ending. That was the last time I recall feeling that strong 'til recently. After, it was just distance, like there was a whole lot of space 'tween me and whatever was occurring. Not feeling, I reckon it comes from feeling too much, and from your mind trying to protect you from all them feelings. [He nosed back and forth 'gainst Damian's hair at the crown.] I didn't ken it was jealous I was feeling with Sasha. New emotions, they ain't always clear or understood, and I reckon that's normal. [It wasn't too much talking. Misha, he pulled back just a touch, enough to see the other boy's face better.] You can find other consistent things, خوخة, when things get overwhelming. [He tipped the other boy's chin with firm fingers.] You can always call on me, and I'll hear you. You ken?