Re: [Return Letter]
[Five days later. On brown notebook paper. Brittle. Old. And in cheap, black Bic ink. Strikethroughs are legible.]
A.M.,
I've had too many goodbyes, and some reunions. I don't know that I can cut the strings like Mr. Kerouac, but that's never been my strong suit. I'm sentimental.
I do feel that virtues—or whatever word you prefer, if 'virtue' is too religiously connoted—are only virtues if they are unbought and offered. One might be duty-bound, which changes the taste of it all a little, but not enough to make it unrecognizable the way hard cash and favors do. I am, of course, assuming duty is something that has been agreed to willingly, a plane of ideals one aspires to, etc. But, like I said, sentimental. What do you think? Does it matter? I've been told before that it doesn't matter. That abstract discussions don't change the world. To this, I agree and disagree. Action is necessary, but so is thought. A wise man thinks and acts both, in accordance with need and reason, or that's how I think of it anyway. I don't know that I'm particularly wise, but that's okay.
"Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them." Also, Kant.
I'm not surprised that complications have continued in my absence/departure. They have a tendency to do that. If it makes you feel better, you can blame me. Hell, you might even be right, though I doubt it. I'm going to go ahead and paint myself the hippie that I've been called since the '70s and say I don't think any colors are sinister. The Nazis liked red, but so did we. It's how you use it, right? Anyway, don't worry about it. I'm inferring only amusement. (Do you believe that?)
That's good to know, that the man isn't himself. So, what's going on with Allen Janus? If he's not Janus, I mean. Can I help at all? Is it supernatural? It must be, with him, unless you're talking about a psychological issue. Still, I'm glad you managed to shock the man from his jaded 'I've seen everything' tree, and I'm glad it went well. Bravo.
You have been very busy. Everyone has. I remember PJ, your best friend; the car shop, right? I'm sorry to hear you had a falling out. I hope it was minor, or, if not, then salvageable. I'm guessing 'complicated' means Teddy isn't requiting. That's usually what it means. Or that there're a few more people in the mix, but it seemed Teddy's fallen out of that particular complication. I'm sorry to hear you were imprisoned, because that's never easy, interesting or not, but probably less so with a vampire. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm happy to lend an ear. The same goes with the drinking and werewolves. What did you find in your inquests? Were you trying to find some, or join them, or study them? I have to assume it followed these other events as it offered some kind of solution to some kind of problem. I could be wrong. It's been known to happen.
I can picture you in a basement office, actually. Closed doors, no windows, low lighting. Do they let you smoke in there? Do you do it anyway, if you're not supposed to? I am glad I wrote. It's good to hear from you. Let me know how the climb continues.