Re: Oliver/Misha
Can't you stop going? Can't you run away to the city? Or disappear with some of that magic you can do? Or can't we just find you a new doctor? Or pretend to? I'm out of practice with forging documents, but I could brush up on it if you think that would help.
[...] I figured that you hadn't told me intentionally. Not that you had to tell me. We didn't have any obligations or whatever you call it in relationship terms, we didn't have any of that. Besides, even though I liked you, you didn't know that I'm realizing now. There was no reason for you to tell me. Just like there was no reason for me to go and ask Damian all of that stuff about the both of you. It wasn't really any of my business, right? If I asked anyone, it should have been you... but I didn't know how long the both of you had been being [...] physical. Honestly, I think I was afraid to ask you because you having something real with Damian, and me asking after it, that would mean that I thought what we had was real and you didn't. Then I just would have been so mortified that I would have had to crawl under a rock and live out the rest of my days like a hermit crab.
[...] Also, I went to see Damian when you weren't there because I wanted to talk to him just the two of us, so that I could see what you saw in him. So I could see what made you want to keep him instead of me. I know that you say that you thought there was enough of you to go round, but I didn't know anything about that at the time when I asked him all of that stuff about sex and the two of you.
I asked Damian a few days back if he wanted me to leave. He refuses to give me a straight answer, and all he ever says is how he doesn't care, and he won't make a decision for me. It is extremely annoying. So I thought that I could annoy the hell out of him too one day and then he'd make me leave. I know that you say I don't gotta, but I grew up in a house full of people who really disliked me, and it just isn't a good feeling.
I asked Cris to come pick me up and take me to get lots of my stuff from mine and Jude's place. Talking to Cris, it helped me a bunch. He told me that people can't just read my mind and all, you know, and thats why I've been thinking of all this, and how to say it to you.
I also decided to make a list of goals, for like how to be a better person, you know? Do you think you could help me work on it? Like suggest some things to maybe add on?