Re: Oliver/Misha
It's real bad just now. I go see him every Monday, and I spend round three days drooling on myself. It ain't pretty. I would've told you bout Damian soon as we kissed, but I got took off that same day, and I wasn't home for days. You talked to Damian just after, and you asked, and he ain't one to lie bout things. Me and him, we ain't had sex, but we've made out real heavy a few times. But it wasn't nothing I was hiding from you deliberate.
I didn't push you, Oli. I reckoned if I did, then you'd drop the pretense and go on back to Jude. I always felt real sure I was hanging on by a thread with you, and it didn't do either of us a lick of good for me to not stand up for what I wanted and how I felt. But I ain't never had a boyfriend before you, fake or otherwise, and I reckon I didn't want it to go.
When Damian agreed for you to come, nothing had happened with me and him. It ain't like that. Jude could've stayed too, but he was keen to go. It don't mean you gotta go anywhere. I meant it when I said that, and standing on your own, it don't mean being all by yourself. And don't beat yourself up, rhubarb. You've been through a whole lot yourself, and I reckon all this is real frightening.
Sugar, it ain't bout what you should've said or not. It's bout how you feel, and anything you feel's real valid, and don't let no one tell you it ain't. I don't need your apologies. I like you how you are, and I don't think you need to overhaul you. And most important, you ain't stupid. You're real talented, and you're real sensitive, and you're a person. Folks are full of flaws, and flaws are beautiful.
And don't take it all on you. I started something with Damian, and I didn't talk to you bout it first. That's on me, but I reckon I thought there was enough of me to go round. Right now, there ain't enough of me that remembers my name half the week, and I reckon no one signed up for that.