Re: Oliver/Jude
no, sunshine, i don't think i agree with you. you say i needed away from you, but you don't seem to understand why. and that's troubling, because then i think you feel this came out of nowhere at all and we could have carried on as before, so long as i didn't want to walk. d'you really feel like that? i'm not asking to punish you, oli, but i also won't do all the work for you on this. if you don't understand, we need to find a way for you to.
and no, oliver, i didn't leave all the way. i left the house the first time because you were safe there, and i didn't have to worry over you if you were with misha, who i thought you loved and loved you back, and i left because i wanted to know what had happened to daniel. i couldn't stay and i wasn't going to bring you with me when i thought he was a threat. and i've been incommunicado because i've been puzzling out why we got to where we got to.
you say you weren't pretending, and misha says you were. given it came out of left field and you hadn't said a word before you were together, first off when i went to that show i thought praps he was taking advantage. but he wasn't, and it was out of left-field because you began it abruptly.
i don't think you can figure out what next until you know why you've hit a wall, sunshine. and i can't take much more of you lashing out, i just don't have capacity. this, the repeating over and over that i couldn't take it anymore, that it was broken as if this is some form of punishment i've landed on you and you don't have a scrap of reason why - i don't know how to get you to talk over the why of it without feeling like i'm swimming through syrup. and i don't think i want to be angry, i'm too tired to be angry.