Re: Misha B/Jude C
you know, you know more about me than anyone in town, sunshine.
i blamed myself for the impact it had on him. we never got him help for what he'd seen the first time and he was thinking about it all the time. and i know he is, but children grow up. i did. i've talked to him about this on and off for the year we've had here. every time he was a brat about me having anyone at all for myself. we're not a pretzel, sunshine. i just put him first until i ran out of room for it to be him or me. people noticed, the last time. they asked, and oliver never once. but i would have let him continue, if he'd just let me have the room to fit other people in. i knew i couldn't have them if they needed a scrap from me, but if they just wanted, there was room. but he doesn't like it.
you've got to remember, sunshine, we're con-artists. we were made that way but oliver's talented at it even if we've not been on a job since we moved. oliver was better at it than i ever was. i don't know anymore if i believe he's dying inside, and if he is, if it would suddenly wipe itself out if my life became all about him once more. i think he's unhappy and i think he's found this unhappy harder because he's not begun on trying to understand why it's this way instead of the other. i know he's unhappy because of the home, because of what happened there but we could find him help that isn't this. but he'll use what he has, sunshine. he'll use everything he has to make you do what he wants because he doesn't want to do it differently, not even after the year.
i don't think it's abandonment and i don't think you're doing it. i don't want to hurt you, sunshine. i don't want to get some air if it means you lose yours, but i can't.