you know, when the girl killed herself and he made himself sick over it, i blamed me? i'd killed that man in front of the both of us and it wasn't clean, it was a bloody business. so i'd made him see it and we'd not told a soul about it because we were running and it was only when that girl died and nobody came for us that i think we stopped. the thing of it was, he was never losing me, not in the way that matters. not to be loved or to be cared for, but it was never the way i think now he thinks it is, that simply by being, he righted all my wrongs and he filled all the bits of me that needed filling up. he never has, he never tried and it was so awful all the time i never began on expecting him to, because he was weaker and he needed me and we had to keep running. so he never had what he thinks he's losing.
i began on making friends when i came, sasha i've known years. and he was vile to her, because he didn't want me to have anyone but him. but i don't think oliver listens when i say i've capacity for more than one person, i've been saying it since we stopped. he doesn't listen to what he doesn't want to hear. it's not okay anymore because we're not running. no one is going to come for him here, no one is going to force him or hurt him, the others aren't going to shove him out. it's not okay anymore because we've space to breathe and he's tried to stop me from it. and i tried. when he brought gwen home to stay with us for a week and a bit, i asked after her, i thought this was connection. and there was the boy he drew for weeks, and he kept it to himself because he wanted to and i thought here was space, here was oliver carving out his own room and leaving me mine. and then there was you, and it sounded healthy and it sounded true, and i've left off coddling him the last six months since gwen asked me why i was so unhappy and told me i wasn't helping oliver to shelter him so much, to be prepared to leave everything i had for him if he decided it was needed. so i did. and he went to the quiet home.
it's not by any means immediate. it's just he's not listened at all to any time i've told him. he's just stopped asking, or talking.
i can ask damian, but i don't know how much he'll feel like explaining.
help's one thing, sunshine. help's friendship but whatever kindred, don't drown.