Re: Sonrisa: Sam A & Cris M
Maybe she knew that, yeah? That he'd push. Maybe she wanted it. Fuck if she even knew, because she was all the fuck confused. Part of her was just fucking embarrassed, yeah? For jumping to conclusions or something. Part of her was just fucking scared, like she'd assumed shit was what it wasn't. But part of her wanted him to push, yeah? She didn't get it, not outright and clear, but it was there, yeah? That fact or whatever, and she waited with breath that didn't dig deep into lungs. The world was shallow, spin and color, vibrant with her movement, and they really should eat or something.
She stood, and he didn't move. She stared down at him, because she expected him to follow, but he didn't budge, and she was a fucking mess standing there. Paint stained and two buttons holding that shirt closed, and both of them were red noses and red eyes. She sniffled, shifting unsteady from one foot to the next, and her cheek getting torn up inside by white teeth as he talked.
And, without fucking warning, she SOBBED. Again. Another one of those soul-shudder sobs, and it was like it was going to tear her the fuck apart from the inside. She was raw, yeah? Like everything she felt was on the outside, and she was just unguarded redness on the surface.
Close your eyes, he said, and she tried. She tried. Well, she MANAGED, but it came with that pacing again, yeah? Back and forth and tight steps in front of him. Unsteady, but she didn't sway far as she tried to make herself just TALK. "I thought- I thought you meant- I just- I'm just crashing, yeah? You don't got to say that I can move in IF I WANT. I don't- I get I'm not really move-in material, and you got T coming, and I'm- I'll sell everything when you're not looking or something. I get that. And I get that if I just crash-" FAST- "WHICH IS OK. I get that if I crash, that it's your place, not mine or ours or anything- I get that. But other people's space comes with their rules, yeah? It's like not being free or something." She'd never done OUR, yeah? She didn't even know what that shit felt like.
"Yeah-" Exhale hard, and that was a lot, and she cut herself off abrupt, fingers balled into fists at her side.