Re: Sonrisa: Sam A & Cris M
She always thought he was hella capable. She thought he would be ok without her, even if she wouldn't be ok without him. She knew she was weak as fuck, yeah? She'd fallen to pieces and unraveled like string when Neil left, and shit with Neil hadn't been THIS. She'd never depended on Neil, yeah? Never expected Neil to be there. Never wanted him like this. It made her stomach drop out, just thinking about. Remembering how bad that had been, and then imagining what this would be like if Cris bailed. Because, yeah, it had been a month apart, but she'd still been hoping he would come, yeah? It hadn't set in for real that she wasn't going to see him again, not before he showed, and she wasn't sure he got that.
"I don't ever take care of you! That's the fucking thing!" LOUD. Like he'd just proved all her points with his one statement. "I'm always too fucked up to help you. I'm always too messed up in the fucking head!" Which was accompanied by a raised hand, heel of palm aimed for that bruised and swollen temple again. Self-hate in the flat of her palm, and she wasn't good at hating herself. She wasn't good at insecure, either, because she'd never done self-loathing young.
But his hands sliding up white, that dragged her focus to touch and paint and warmth. His palms were sticky against her jaw, and she still shook her head hard when he said that she didn't know if he'd kill someone. But that shaking of her head, it slowed scary quick when he said he'd run into her dealer.
That he'd almost shot the fucking guy.
Yeah, no, nothing else registered. Even the kiss was given back distracted, because all these fucking scenarios were clambering around in her head, banking hard against skull. And she struggled to her feet, yeah? Away from that brush of lashes and his offer to help. And she looked scared, yeah? FUCKING TERRIFIED. But not that he would shoot someone. Nah, man, nah, it wasn't that.
She had a hard time finding her footing and keeping it. Unsteady, she paced. Tight, tight tight steps, and her hands going up and down in useless flaps that occasionally managed to connect with her head. "NO, no, no, no, no, no." Just that repetition. No words to clarify beyond that yet.