Re: Sonrisa: Sam A & Cris M
She wasn't clear enough to know what was eating him up, but she knew him well enough to know that SOMETHING was. It was part of the guilt roiling in her gut, her tucked up against him and him kissing her soft. She wound fingers in his shirt at the chest, twirled fabric until it was braid taut around fingertips going white, and she tipped head back to look at him. He was tired, yeah? He'd crashed, and she could see it around his eyes, and she knew how panic dragged everything out of a person, left them sapped, and she knew he'd lost it. As much as she had, and she knew he wasn't going to be fucking forgiven for it, not like she would, and she thought that was shit.
Ok, so breaking in or whatever, that wasn't good. But he wouldn't hurt anyone, yeah? He wouldn't, and she believed that entire. It was important to her, too, that other people got it, yeah? That he was good. That Iris got it, and Lou, and Daniel, and even that Manning guy that was fixing Iris' door. And maybe Sam understood, yeah? She understood wanting to get at someone so bad, THAT bad, she got it. And she'd WANTED him there. There was no reason to keep him out, yeah? When all she'd wanted was him.
But all those thoughts were like a jigsaw puzzle, pieces shuffled up in her head, and it was like the conversations she'd had on the forums, yeah? All fucking disjointed, and she wanted to ask him if Ian would be back, while knowing Ian was dead. It wasn't logic, and it was the same as her knowing Iris had only been trying to do the right thing, but her sister didn't get what Sam needed, yeah? And that was on her, on Sam, because all of this shit WAS on her. If she hadn't called the dealer, if she could just rewind some clock that far back, then shit would be all different.
And the events of the day were seriously messed up in Sam's head, yeah? One second, Ian was in the fog, and the next he wasn't. One second, Iris' bedroom was that room, yeah? The one Ian had kept her locked in, and that bed against the corner, and the door locked, and there was no way out. It was all a mess, a jumble, and she knew she wasn't good in the head just then. She wasn't completely fucking stupid, yeah? She got it.
"I'm sorry I fucked up." Was what she finally managed, looking up at him still, and one hand freed to press fingers against his paint-marred jaw. Her fingers trembled white, and she stared at fingertips against brown skin. "I messed everything up, and now maybe you'll get in trouble." She didn't get how MUCH trouble, but she wasn't fucking stupid. Even without knowing about the kid, she knew Iris could cause a lot of trouble with his job, and Sam had done this before, yeah? Got him in trouble with his job.
She pressed closer, and the baby kicked against his belly, and Sam pulled her hand back and rubbed her eyes with balled-up fists.