Re: Call: Sam A/Cris M
It's prolly all three and more, baby. You wanna know what it's like for me? You said you made stuff awkward. I dunno that I agree with that, but I can tell you, no matter how much you love somebody and how safe you feel with them and how encouragin' they are, it's always gonna be hard to talk about sex stuff. Not the stuff like, let's roleplay and spank me, huh? But, the stuff like what makes you feel bad, is there somethin' I should avoid, why did you react that way that one time, etc.—it's always hard. There's all kindsa stuff bound up in sex, in love, and, even though assault ain't about either, it gets itself in there with dirty fingers and leaves prints on everything, tryin' for power. It's okay to be uncomfortable talkin' about it. It's okay to think anything you think, huh? The part where you gotta hold off a lil is listenin'. I might think you don't wanna talk, but if you say you do, I gotta believe you and I gotta try to help you do it, and vice versa. 'Cause just then what I feel—if I think you're kinda forcin' yourself or whatever, it don't matter. I can say so and you can say yes or no, but after that, it's about lettin' you do what you gotta do. I'm sorry it don't feel cleansing and healin' and comfortin'. I am. I really fuckin' wish it was. I really wish I could make talkin' about it easy and okay, but I can't. And it's gonna suck and it's okay to push or to take a break, or whatever we gotta do, huh?
[After that speech, he goes quiet. Quiet as she hesitates a lil, then quiet as she talks, distracting himself by sucking on his bottom lip 'til after her realization.] No, mami. I don't think it's bad. I—I think—If you need that and want that, I wanna give it to you, be there for you, whatever, ¿sí? And maybe it'll make me feel like I got control I don't actually got and I'll calm my ass down, huh? [He says the last bit jokingly, least a lil.]