Brother, you know you can't make a choice because your partner needs it. Stay with me here, before you disagree. There are things you can do, sacrifices you can make. But if it guts you, then there's no you. Not worth it for either of you. I'm not in a relationship, but think it's about compromise. That's what I learned from literature. Can always find another small city. One less complicated.
Normal life means no ghosts. Not how I see them. And you're a good man. Not perfect. Flawed. But you do good things. That's enough for me.