Re: In-person: Cris/Sam
[She doesn't flinch away when he gets loud, yeah? Those days are way in the fucking rearview, left behind in his old place in New York. Nah, and he gets louder, and she just curls close to him, like it'll help him calm down or something, tho it isn't like an OBVIOUS attempt at that. It's just instinct, yeah? Moving closer when he's gutted or whatever. And he's definitely yelling gutted. But she's also young and stupid, yeah? Like a teenager who believes love can literally fix any fucking thing, and she doesn't have his years of experience, so she shakes her head, telling him hard with whipping blonde that she thinks he's wrong.] That's bullshit! You make shit better for me. No matter how fucked up everything is, being with you makes it tolerable, yeah? It's not like what you're saying for me! I know how it feels to be rock bottom, yeah? I KNOW THAT FEELING, but you could always make it better. That's all. [Maybe it's insanely fucking simple, and the world is a lot more complicated than that, but it's how she sees it. There, sitting on his thigh.] I mean I get it. It's different for you, and when there's too much shit, or when you're low, then even I'm a problem. I get it. But I'm NOT like that, and YELLING WON'T MAKE IT TRUE FOR ME. [Which she huffs a little, yeah? She doesn't mean to, but she does. And, ok, yeah, her fucking feelings are hurt, but that'll fade. Everything fucking fades with Sam.] I get you're pissed or whatever at me for not getting it, ok? But try to look at it from MY point of view. I was scared. In labor. Whatever. And you tell me you aren't- [She shakes her head again, because it's not gonna help, yeah? Letting him into her headspace, sad or whatever, is just gonna make him feel WORSE. And she doesn't think they need a big fight about how being pregnant was literally the fucking most miserable WORST, and she never ever wants to fucking do it again. It wasn't a good time, yeah? He's right about that. But that's not now, and she exhales hard through her nose.]
I just don't want you unhappy with me. [She says quiet, after he screams about Neil.] I know, I know- [Before he can get worked up and correct.] You were unhappy in general. Not with me. I know. I just don't want to be part of what makes you unhappier.
[He's shaking his head hard, and she does the same thing.] YOU SAID it's a problem when we're messed up at the same time. Why won't you just let me BE OK?? I don't need anything right now, yeah? I don't. [And she fucking shoves him HARD when he starts going on about changing shit so she'd be better and away from him. And she listens, ok? She listens about being spared and about denying him, and he's clinging and snotting and saying he got carried away. And her, she's just looking at him through really damp eyes.] Papi. [Soft.] You don't get shit's changed, do you? You still wanna do everything you wanted to do when we met, yeah? Listen to all my problems and help me with all my shit. I get you WANT that, but shit's changed. Like me going to inpatient to dry out? A year ago? You woulda fucking had me stay home and help. Now you couldn't. I knew that. I see it. I get that I probably fucking caused most of it, yeah? MY SHIT. My family. MY DEMONS. But it means we gotta do stuff different now, yeah? Because you want to do things, but you can't. There's too much other stuff, and my stuff's too frustrating. [A little sad shrug, because that's hard, yeah? It's hard to depend on someone and then learn not to, and she's not very fucking good at it. She pretends good lately, and maybe she'll start being what she pretends soon, but it's hard.] You said it yourself lots. You can't make it better, and then you don't feel good. [She motions behind herself to the office door.] The town stuff you can kinda fix, yeah? I get to be too much after time. [She gives him a watery smile, and she kisses his cheek soft and slow.] I'm exhausting.
[She sits back, sniffles and rubs her eyes hard.] You're gonna take a few days off and put your knee up, yeah? That's what's gonna happen now. [She tries to say it hella firm.]