Re: In-person: Cris/Sam
[She knows he's trying to make her see. She knows it must be frustrating, him needing to say the same shit over and over. She knows she's not smart, and maybe she'd get it better if she was. But she's not, and she knows maybe she's hearing it wrong, but she still listens close. Desperate, yeah? Like she gets that everything depends on her getting it right. And she knows wanting to die, yeah? She has the scars on her wrists to prove that, so she at least gets what he starts off with, but she looks confused as he goes on, yeah? Like she can't put it all together good in her head.] But that's not what it is. I get that, yeah? I get being depressed. I get everything being muted, yeah? That's why I started on pills in the first place. I get how that is, and I get how even the tiniest things can feel too huge. But- [The pause is long here, yeah?] I asked about us, about you and me, not about stuff being too much. Just if you were happy with us or whatever. [Simple, stupid, whatever. A sniffle, and she moves past that quick, not wanting to linger on it, because she doesn't wanna get sobby or whatever. She rubs one hand at her eye, and she looks at him damp.] It was better when I was in inpatient, yeah? And when you were home? [She swallows thick.] There's a place that takes moms, yeah? It's state funded or whatever, and I can finish my stuff there and take Joey. If it's better? If it's less? [Quick.] I get it. I get sometimes shit is too much, and I know I got a lot of problems, yeah? I'm trying hella fucking hard to be ok and not like be bad or too much, but maybe I'm not doing so good, and I don't wanna like mess up and have you leave me, yeah? [Quicker.] But I can get better, yeah? I SWEAR. I promise I can get better.
[She tries to tease him about wearing a shirt. She does. She tries hard, but she just kisses him wet and desperate and scared, which she KNOWS doesn't help. She laughs a little against his mouth, sad.] I can't even do this strong.