Re: In-person: Cris/Sam
You were unhappy, and you felt like I wasn't being there enough for you. [She reminds him like the words are memorized, emblazoned on her brain. She remembers him saying it like it's now, yeah? Like the words just escaped from his lips angry and hurt. She can hear his voice, and see his jaw clench. She can remember just how fucking miserable she felt, and she doesn't want to feel like that again, and she doesn't want HIM to feel like that again. So, yeah, it's important. It matters to her a lot. Not more than his knee or Meredith, but a lot. She shrugs her shoulders honest when he asks if it wasn't good for either of them, because SHE made it bad, yeah? So it's not the same, even tho he's saying like it is.] You're gonna say I'm like Iris and Lou, martyring or something, but I fucked it all up. I wanna not fuck it all up again. I don't even know how I did it, but I DID. So, please don't ask me to unload on you. I don't want to, yeah? I don't wanna do that, because I can't tell when it gets bad and when it doesn't. [And if she lets herself focus on the fact that she has no fucking idea WHAT happened to her body at that egg hunt? She'll lose it, and she knows he's not up to that.] So, let me do this, yeah?
[He wraps himself all around her after that kiss, and she lets herself curl into him for a second. Just a fucking second, yeah? She's doing good. She's doing ok. She doesn't need it like he does, and she promised herself she's gonna turn it around. Hug him, yeah? And she does. After tucking the beanie back on her head, and he's talking about his nightmares. She doesn't bring up her own or compare them or anything, yeah? Nah. She listens, and she watches him, her eyes dark and blue and interested. She touches his shoulders, rubs fingertips over sweat-dry skin. She hugs him, and she kisses his cheek warm and slow.]
Does anything make them better? Like being hella tired? Or like not being stressed? [She presses another kiss to his cheek, and then she presses another there.] Are they better now it's later? That time has passed or whatever? My stupid therapist would say it's your subconscious dealing with shit you haven't dealt with when you're awake. So, you can't control your brain while it's sleeping, and it does what you won't let it do normal. Maybe if you talk about it more? I know that's hard, yeah? But do you want to talk about it? [She gives him a sheepish little smile.] You can always wake me, yeah? If that helps.