Maybe. Maybe they're the day's feelings. Like when you look out the window and the day looks happy, all blue sky and fat white clouds, bright and the sun is warm. Happy.
No, but people don't like it when I say that. I'm not very good at saying what people like to hear, though. And I know I can talk to her, but it was still hard not to be able to, in the moment. I wouldn't change it, though. I'm glad I had the moment again. Time changes memories, and we don't even realize the changes over time and time and time.
I just can't really remember not being scared ever. It's just me now. It's so much me that I'm not scared of scared.