Re: log: hospital - sam/louis
Ok, so she got that most people wouldn't get the thing with her 'rents. And, ok, she'd hated it too, yeah? She'd run away from Al, so she got it. And for a long time she felt it was wrong or whatever, being married off at fifteen, promised and locked away at twelve, but she'd chilled about it in the past few years. Cris helped with that, with her being ok with it, because he said it was just how shit was in his culture, yeah? Marrying at fifteen and 'rents picking spouses. So, yeah, Sam had come to realize it wasn't that big a fucking deal, and maybe she'd even been a stupid fucking baby to run. It wasn't like Al ever hurt her or anything, yeah? Maybe she'd just been hella ungrateful, but whatever, that was the past. Since twelve, her family had a nice place to live, and no one had roaches climbing over their toes anymore, and it was nice not to live with mold stains. So, yeah, sacrifices or whatever, and everyone in the Alexander clan made them, not just her. She wondered sometimes, yeah? How Moms and Pops were, and she considered calling to tell them about the baby, but she knew they'd try to get money out of her somehow, and she didn't want them trying to blackmail Cris, and they totes fucking would. They were opportunistic that way, just like those roaches climbing on little Alexander toes had been.
But she'd felt loved, yeah? At home. That counted for something. She thought maybe it was the only important thing, because 'rents fucked up all over the place, even the ones that read books about how to do things good. She remembered hugs and laughter and her brothers, yeah? She didn't want to lose that.
Lou talked about being burned, and he talked about D not being safe like D was radioactive or something, and Sam tried to read between the lines. She wasn't good at figuring out shit that people weren't saying direct, but she tried. "You think you'll fall head over heels for him, and that he's a rake or something? He IS, baby. D isn't easy. Even without Lin in the picture, yeah? I know we don't talk about me and D fucking, but he just liked getting off with me. Man wasn't ever gonna fall in love with me, even if I fell in love with him. So, yeah, I wanna see you be with someone who loves you like Cris loves me. D has it in him to love that way, but he doesn't love EVERYONE he bangs that way." That was the best she had for cautious words, yeah? And they probably coulda been delivered less blunt, but Sam sucked at less blunt.
But then the baby screamed, and she let him rock her a little. Thing was, babies didn't stay still when they screamed like that, which was something she'd come to learn the hard way. Sam licked her fingers one last time, and she cleaned her fingertips on her thigh, and then she got up and reached for the kicking, shrieking baby. She bounced her, shushed her, hummed until she started getting a migraine. And it was obvious on her face, yeah? That the sound was getting to her, and that maybe this shit was too much for her in prolonged periods. But, thankfully, the nurse came, and Sam handed Joey over quick and eager.
"Ok, so that was loud," she said as she turned to Lou, her grin a little more unsteady than it had been throughout the visit. "Come on," she said immediately after, packing up her leftovers, which she was totes taking with her to the facility. "We can walk out together. I should get back anyway, or I'll miss group."