Dante "Inferno" Zaragoza - Death'll find you... (xolotl) wrote in repose,
Re: Hannah/Dante.
I guess it can be good? Like cognitive dissonance to get to a new place? Messy is bad for me in my head. When my head is messy I start [............] losing things. Like when you've got a big pile of mail that you've been adding to and adding to and then you need one thing out of it and all you can do is fucking look at the pile and say 'fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk' to yourself. So when I start losing things, in my head, it's bad. It's bad because I have so much going on and if I slip? It's just gonna be bad.
My words are different depending on who you are and how you act. It's how I survive I think it shows adaptability but when it goes from being adaptable to losing yourself? To not showing who you are to not rock the boat? Maybe the boat needs a rock. But I also get sometimes you can't. If it's for whatever reason. You just fucking can't. And then you have to sit with the fact that you don't want to be doing what you have to do and what people expect you to do to not rock the boat and fuck. Bitter? Maybe bitter is a good word. You're fucked and fucking yourself up for putting up this fake face that they need to see and you don't want to be known as only that but they can't handle all you are. But that's on them. You and me? We shouldn't have to not be who we are to make others happy but the world? The world's fucked like that.
No I... I don't do good with doctors. I can make them listen. Have made them listen but that's more just a lot of experience and being tried and decided not to let them make me submissive just because I'm tired. [......] That question is a little loaded. Most people don't like the answers I give.
There's always moments of happy. Most of us chase them like junkies looking for a fix, hoping the next thing will really bring us that real pure lasting joy, but they don't come so we keep searching I think.