[Reaction]
It had come over him while his back was pressed to the scratchy brick of the building just outside the back door of the shop, a cigarette in an uncovered hand slowly growing cold as it was scoured by a spring wind: The warmth of the sun on his skin, so warm that he knew if he touched it he would feel the heat radiating back under his fingertips. Sand under bare feet. When was the last time he'd felt that? Had he ever felt that? Well, yes, he was feeling it right now, as sure as it had happened yesterday, as sure as it was happening right now. The loud crash of the surf filling his ears, drowning out the sounds of cars passing on the road, people talking in the street, birds singing their spring songs. Alex didn't have a choice, but he let himself fall in, anyway.
He'd never been to the ocean and it had been a long time since he'd last been swimming, even, but it's glorious. His eyes were staring, unfocused, as he remembered this thing that has certainly never happened to him, but was also simultaneously happening right now. There was a crooked smile on his lips, and he even laughed out loud: a thing of pure joy that didn't come with the usual sardonic twist of his mouth or the nervousness that he'd missed the joke. He'd never felt so good, so light. The warm sun and the warm water, the endless blue of sky and sea, and Alex knows he's never felt so full of life, like all living up till now was just a chore, just a thing to do, just a replacement for the alternative. Which, granted, he has more of a stake in than most people.
He didn't know how long it lasted: two minutes, five minutes, but it's long enough that by the time he came out of it, his cigarette has burned down to a pillar of ash clinging to the edge of the filter. The cold returned abruptly to his hands, the sounds of Repose faded back into existence. He shook himself a little, regarded the wasted smoke for a moment before tossing it away. What didn't change was the smile on his lips, even when he saw the black black band of metal circling his index finger as he lit up another cigarette.
No, it would be a while before that went away. Even if it meant being someone else for a moment, there was something to be said for finding a moment of happiness, to imagine what a life would be, if it was allowed to just be that. You didn't have to question happiness.