Re: Livingroom: Marta / Seven
Her anger still clung, but for a moment there was a flood of sadness and pain that washed over it, and her next breath was a shuddered inhale as her face softened - almost crumpled for a moment. "That wasn't..." Had she ever told him? She couldn't remember the paths of all their past conversations since meeting again in Repose, and she shook her head, hair slipping forward over one shoulder. "That's... n-not your fault." Soft but intense, staring, hardly blinking, with wide eyes. Even with the shift in her tone, there was still somehow steel beneath her words, carrying through into her next question. "Have you thought- this whole time?" Another shake of her head. "No.." Whether or not he gave a shit anymore, she needed to say it - needed him to hear it.
And then a whipcrack and back into anger, like lashes laid down hard over skin. "Of course I'm fucking clueless," she snapped at him - angry that she had to even admit it, or that it was even a question. "That was the whole... point... of me going. In the first place. I don't know anything about kids." She had cracks too, so many (too many), and they let through an almost constant bleed of her own. Her next breath was a sharp inhale. "You think I'm not still scared shitless about this? That hasn't changed." It showed in her face, the tightness of her expression, that there were too many things being felt all at the same time, but also a that the tension and stubbornness in the line of her shoulders was granite-hard. "You know I can't promise to never fuck up. People do all the time. But I'm trying to be better, okay? And I'm working f-fucking hard at it. And she's..." A hard swallow and a moment of held breath. "the best thing I've done. With my life."
She could feel herself wanting to step back, away, escape. But instead she stayed, feet planted, and sliced herself open a little more. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what she's like. And I don't know where we stand." She lifted a hand to gesture between the two of them. "How to talk to you without feeling like it's a fight every single time. Maybe it's always gonna be, I don't know." She finally took half a step back and looked away, blinking a few times as her eyes shifted over other people, not really seeing them at all. "I know I'm late in asking. Probably too late. But just... a chance. Okay?"