Dante "Inferno" Zaragoza - Death'll find you... (xolotl) wrote in repose, @ 2020-02-23 18:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | *log, dante zaragoza, georgia halloran |
[Quick Log] Dante & Georgia
Who: Dante & Georgia (Mentions of: Audrey, Leena)
What: A panicked phone call
When: BACKDATED: Feb 21st - 6/3pm
Where: NYC/Repose
Ratings/Warnings: Language. Always language. Mental Health: Panic Attack
When the invite came in from Audrey it had been sweet. While there was a lot about this town that irritated Dante regularly it seemed that at least a handful of the residents continued to be pretty excellent people. The text to confirm had been popped off without a thought and the conversation that proceeded from that point unraveled faster than she drove Dart most days. Did she care that Audrey thought they were dating? That wasn’t the point if she cared or not on some level, the point was she didn’t date, the point was dating wasn’t part of the plan, the point was what if Leena thought it was dating? What if Leena didn’t think it was dating but might start thinking that if other people were already thinking it? She hadn’t…. She hadn’t… Dante could feel her chest tightening, breathing was getting harder. With each new ping! of a text message that occurred in her head. Thoughts were getting fast, frantic, slipping her grip, slipping her ability to keep up. Why was she still having this talk? Her hands were shaking. She needed to, to, to…. A thought flew by, faster than she could catch it leaving Dante feeling helpless and nearing a frenzy with how it felt like a fucking truck had parked on her chest and… and… and… When the fuck had air gotten so heavy? Doc. Hands attempted to fetch up her phone as she moved into the back of the shop, heading into the office as fingers fumbled the device and it clattered and skidded across the floor. ‘No. Nooo. Nononononononononononononononononononono. ‘C̶a̶l̸l̵?̶’ And thankfully Doc knew the signs enough that her phone was ringing within seconds. Dante had to calm down, had to, hadtohadtohadto or else the whole fucking shop might get EMP’d and that would be a disaster on a level she hadn’t faced in some time. The device was put on the desk as it rang since Dante didn’t trust her own hands enough to hold the device. Breathe. Breathe. She had to breathe. Eyes closed and a hand waved over the phone, answering the call. She had to force herself to talk. Had to. “P-p-panic.” "Okay. One, mentally or out loud name off five things you can see. Then four things you can touch. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell--I find this one to be hit or miss, so don't worry if there's nothing distinct" Came Georgia’s voice over the line. “Car, engine, desk, hood, battery. Pen. paper, desk, lamp. Engine, cars passing by, hammer dropped.” Dante would only seem to start to vaguely calm at this point. “Oil.... sugar.” She still wasn’t fully calmed. "Okay. If I'm not already, put me on speaker so your hands are free. Cup your hands over your nose and mouth. Take slow, deep breaths with your mouth. Not the nose 'cause it doesn't work the same and also that make my nose stop up if I do that" She follows through, Doc can hear the movements on the other end. Dante doesn’t like having her mouth or head covered - trauma connection - but it’s her own hand and doc is telling her to and Doc hasn’t hurt her yet so it’s okay. Doc’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It takes a few minutes but the noise slows and starts calming. “.... Thanks.” A beat. “Sorry, not exactly a great call start.” Doc takes a deep breath. "Any time. And it's okay. The breathing thing is apparently kind of like a reset button on your vagus nerve, which is involved with your heart rate. Can also focus on deep breaths from your diaphragm, but the hands give you something extra to focus on." “I’ll keep it in mind.” She knows the question is coming. “Someone in town thinks It’s complicated and I are dating. It’s someone who has barely seen us together.” Another deep breath followed by a long, thoughtful sounding exhale. "Oh. That's awkward." Assuming anyone was dating anyone without being expressly told so seemed odd to Georgia. But then, a lot about how people seemed to approach dating seemed odd to her. “If one person thinks it others probably do and I.. we didn’t agree to that. Didn’t agree to much. She knows she can touch me. We fuck... Well... she fucks me and she’s brought me lunch? Bringing lunch is bad isn’t it? Fuck. I didn’t... I didn’t think…. But she said she wasn’t into sex and I didn’t think we were going to do anything at first, but then I thought maybe it was just a trauma thing and she needed to see she could in a safe space and I don’t... I...” "Lunch isn't bad. People do sometimes assume things about the providing of food." Georgia rubbed the bridge of her nose; this she knew from experience. "Also same with sex." She paused. "Does the person who made the assumption also assume sex is happening? I hope they didn't mention that because that's rude. Breathe, Dante." There’s a few moments as Doc can hear heavy breaths in... out... in... out. “No, no that person didn’t. They... Did bring up a night we all went clubbing.” The last bit’s a little weakly, she knows it’s going to be asked about, she knows. “Where It’s complicated showed up..... I...” There’s a sigh. “Where It’s Complicated showed up looking hot as fuck with a Rose for me to take my last dance.” A beat. “I’m fucking stupid.” Another moment. “But we... we hadn’t talked about anything? I keep telling It’s Complicated to tell me what she wants and she’s not saying she wants that but what if she does? I didn’t... I didn’t think anything of the club because we had been playing this one up game before it and her coming to the club had been part of the game and we just kept challenging each other to things and... I didn’t... I didn’t think she’d follow through and she did and...” Her words had been starting to get the edge of speedy panic again but slow. “And... Yeah.” "Mmm." Doc leaned back in her chair, rocking it slightly. "Well. You're not stupid. There are just things that you--and I, also--don't read the same way a lot of people read them. The coding codes different." She bit her lip thoughtfully. "You could write her a note. Like a...'I thought I should check in with you about this just in case: have..." She thought for a moment. " 'Have the parameters of how you define what it is we are doing changes? I have developed a need for reassurance as to what exactly it is you want from this, or want it to be, and would like to know if there is any terminology you would like to use to describe this. Once you have read and considered this, please text me to let me know you have read it. And let me know if you want to talk about it via text or in person.' Something like that." Doc sighed. "I...do not know how to make that sound less clinical." Dante’s quiet for a long moment, debating. “Doc, I’m just trying to help her. I think. I.... I don’t want to hurt her? I don’t...” her voice cracks a little. “I don’t know what I’m doing and if she wants something more I don’t...” She falls quiet. “I don’t want to hurt her but I’m a fucking mess, we both know this.” Quietly, maybe, maybe a little pained but it’s so soft she might not be recognizing the emotion. “Besides, she’s a Wainright. I’m sure she probably has some sort of fucking family requirements or something she has to follow. We’re in different worlds.” Georgia let out a low whistle at the Wainright name-drop. "Okay...yeah, I can see why that would also contribute to the freaking out. The Wainright part, I mean. Though it sounds like both of you have your own mess-ness going on. Doesn't mean that makes things better or worse. Just...it exists." She sighed. "If she wants more than you feel you can give right now...it's gonna suck. With some things, there are no options that don't hurt both of you." Again, experience was not a kind teacher there. There’s a long, heavy exhale and a low ‘mm-hm’ in response to the whistle. “I.... I thought maybe I could help her. Help her, you know.... Realize things can be okay? I know she’s....” Her voice cuts out, the rest of the sentence dying in her throat. “She’s fucked up too, yeah.” Dante hadn’t been particularly forthcoming with that initially. It wasn’t her story to tell... but it does play a part now in the story she needs to tell. “Should I just tell her I know it’s fun but she doesn’t have to stress when she moves on? Like I know she will?” "...I don't know. I know that's not helpful, but it is a gap in my knowledge and I need to admit that." Georgia stared up at her ceiling. "I haven't been in that kind of situation," she admitted softly. "I've...I've only really known someone was going to move on when they told me they were about to actively move on." A pause. "I suck at dating." There’s a low, frustrated exhale, but it doesn’t sound directed at Georgia at all. “And I don’t date.” That’s the crux of it. No one can keep up with her and besides, it’s not safe to bring more people into her very dark world and she wouldn’t know how to do it safely anyway. “I... Thank you.” The thanks is abrupt but deeply sincere. “Thanks. At least I don’t feel like I’m going to dry heave over the toilet now.” She sighs, fingers coming up to rub at her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I... wanted to help and now I’m not sure what to do or if everyone in town thinks we’re a fucking thing or... I... I don’t fucking know. I can’t put her in danger. She doesn’t deserve that.” Dante’s awfully concerned about this person’s feelings for something that was supposed to be fun... Yeah. This was going to suck for Dante...even if things went relatively well. Doc could tell. Dante was...attached. Doc was not always the best at interpreting human emotions, but she knew Dante, and she knew something about...being attached to someone. "If you were here right now, I would hug you." “I’m rain checking that hug for when I see you later this year.” God did Dante need it. "Good." Georgia replied. “Thinking about taking a week or two off, maybe sometime around the middle of year and driving back. Figure we’re long overdue for an in-person.” Dante offered, it had been something on her mind for some time. Georgia paused. "Actually...I was thinking about moving out there. Where you are." Silence for a moment. “What?” Dante’s confused, surprised but not upset. "Wouldn't have to commute back and forth. Could basically design my own lab and clinic without the same kind of questions coming up...more time for research without having to explain or obfuscate to anyone, really." Georgia gave a faint laugh. "I've been thinking about it for a while now..." “That’s a lot of reasons.” The tone isn’t opposed but it has her generic guard up because - for her - its a sudden and unexpected change. “There’s... a lot of houses you could do that with.” Hesitance, she’s working through this. “But It’s also a small town? I’m not sure you’d get many patients.” "The parts of me that need sleep would probably like that," she said. "If I managed to actually use some of that newly discovered free time for sleep and not...doing other things with it." “You’re not allowed to research 24/7, we’ve had this talk before. You have to eat and get hugs sometimes.” She’s calm now? That’s something? "I know, I know." The grin came through in Georgia's voice. "You'd have an easier time bugging me about that, too." There’s a heavy sigh. “I would.” She’s thinking. “But Spider’s supposedly here, you’d be at a higher risk.” "The better to keep you alive, then." It was a point Georgia did feel need to be made. "Just means you'd get to help me install a metric fuckton of security measures." There’s another sigh, a low grumble of noise. “You’ve made up your mind, haven’t you?” She’s a little grumbly but not upset sounding, perhaps already moving towards making peace with a decision she’s not sure she agrees with yet. Even if Dante thinks you’re safer back in NYC and is smart enough to know Georgia would know that too. "Mm-hmm. I have." There’s silence and then a heavy sigh. “I’m designing your entire security system and installing every part of it and anything you try to have someone else do, I’m triple-checking their work.” It’s how she says she cares, really. “And I have a guest room if you need it.” "I would expect nothing less from you." There's a slight chuckle from Georgia. "That would actually be amazing. And would make designing my new HQ easier, too." There’s another sigh, this one sounds warm though, a fondness there for the other woman. “Okay.” A pause, considering. “When?” A moment of quiet. "Soon?" “What’s that mean, Doc?” Oh that sounds a little annoyed like she’s expecting you’re going to drop a bomb on her now. "...I could easily be there by the end of this month, start of next..." Doc did feel a little guilty about that. There’s a low sigh, Dante looks around the shop office for a moment with her feet crossed and up on the desk. “Yeah, sure. The guest room is sort of generally ready for someone to crash so...” She’s not inviting it to you tomorrow... but if you show up tomorrow it’s useable. “Just... let me know what window you’re thinking? Should probably let dad know you’re gonna be around and my shop co-owner... and anyone who comes to the house...” Dante’s passively talking through next the next steps she’ll need to take. Georgia nodded, even though she knew Dante couldn't see it. "I will. I'm getting it narrowed, so expect an update soon." “.... okay.” There may be just the tiniest bit of relief in her voice. Georgia gets how her head works. Her dad doesn’t. She can’t talk to him about this shit like this. “I guess... lemme know when you know?” “I will, Dante,” Georgia said. “I promise.” “Okay.” Dante.... Well... As much as it might stress her out to put Georgia at risk... “I’m still not sure I fucking agree with this but...” Her voice drops off when it starts again, it’s softer. “I’m not gonna lie and say I won’t be happy to have you around.” A pause. “I feel like I’m out of my skull half the time here and it’s not just the radio signals from the military base a ways away.” “It does sound like having me around will definitely be a good thing for you,” Georgia replied. “It’ll be easier to have talks, and once I’ve got a place fixed up, you’ll get a key and a free pass to drop by anytime you need to get away from things for a while.” While the idea of Doc being in Repose made her shoulders tense? It also lifted a way bigger weight. Doc was a smart woman, capable, unlikely to let some punk crime syndicate princess be the end of her and somehow… Dante believed it. “Maybe.” The tone was intentionally doubtful but in a way that was warm, almost teasing. “Oh fuck yes, thank you, please. That…. That… Yes.” There was a heavy sigh, one that sounded like relief. She… Didn’t really have anywhere to hide here. It felt like everyone in town knew where she was all day every day and she’d cultivated a facade that welcomed them, but there’d be a pause, one that lingered for a moment. “Don’t mention the Wainright thing, alright? She…. She doesn’t talk about it.” Quickly. “And I only told you because…” Dante sighed. “Well, it’s fucking weird to be hanging out with a fucking Wainright. You never think and then….” Her voice died out. “Just… Forget it exists unless we’re talking alone, okay?” Finally, the air wasn’t feeling quite so heavy. “Wainright? What’s a Wainright?” Georgia chuckled. “No Wainright will be mentioned unless you bring up the topic.” “You’re a goddess.” Dante offered thankfully in response and how deep that appreciation went - all the way to her core - could be heard easily, Georgia was a goddamn delight in her life and probably one of the best decisions of a person to interact with that she’d ever made. There was a heavy sigh as eyes looked through the shops office window out to the cars they still had waiting to work on for the day. “I gotta get back to work.” Another sigh, this one sounding more focused, more reserved to what her day still held. “You better be taking care of yourself.” Dante’s voice held the faintest hint of attempted intimidation even if the care and concern for the other woman was really what was more important to be taken from the words here. “And thank you.” A beat. “I’ll talk to you again soon.” Click. |