Re: Derek's place: Derek/Marta
Her throat went tight at the next thought. The one about cutting away and removing rotten bits from the whole. Of course, that was exactly what she'd tried to do for others, in running away and removing herself. Her fingers tightened around the glass in her hands, and she shook her head. In her eyes was a dark sort of helplessness - not knowing how to explain, frustration in not knowing what to say. She'd come to accept that she couldn't make that decision for anyone else, and she didn't think it was possible to cut herself out of her own life. Not in a way that she was considering any longer these days.
The music was a little strange, even with the volume low, and she couldn't quite define the sort of feeling it planted low in her chest. And the fact that it had just started, without asking Alexa or Siri or any other familiar AI name - it only added to the strangeness. Even so, even with all the oddness, she didn't remark on it or let it unsettle her (too much, at least). It did distract her for a moment, letting her heart match to the pulse of the beat, before she shook her head, as if to clear something from her mind, and returned to their conversation. Which was, in this regard, matching her discussion with Holly more and more. And even so, she still couldn't set aside her same argument. "For reasons."
The thought of her fate being bigger was another strange one. 'Bigger' wasn't something she equated with herself. Maybe a bit, in those days when she danced on a stage, when she wanted to catch another gaze that would then open another wallet. But there were so many other, smaller, thoughts about herself. Even if she could be bigger, she wasn't entirely certain that she wanted to. She wasn't sure there was enough of her. But before she could explain that, Derek continued. And what she said, the easy way she said it, as if it were an absolute truth, made Marta flush, warmth in her cheeks and up to the tips of her ears. She also found that she couldn't quite meet Derek's gaze in that moment. It couldn't be a bad thing though, could it, to be able to please someone else? Even just one person?