Re: [in-person: holly & noah.]
[Look, it wasn't that Holly didn't want to talk to Noah about his anger, and about everything else he was feeling, because he did want to. But it was that thing, right? Where it felt really fucking shitty to heap your own stuff on someone who was already having such a hard time bearing their own weight. Holly wasn't going to hoist more stuff onto Noah's shoulders. Noah was having a really hard time. And it could be argued, Holly knew, that he was having a hard time too? But it wasn't as bad as Noah's. Holly didn't really fall into this deep, kinda dissociating depression thing like Noah did, and he cared about the guy too much to be the asshole that made him deal with more shit, you know, while dealing with his own crap. And Holly knew that he didn't help with his messed up shit, the involuntary amount that Noah absorbed of it, so he wasn't going to make that even worse by actively piling shit on the guy. He already felt guilty, and that would just add being an asshole to the existing guilt. So, nah, he wanted to help the guy feel better. That was important, and it was the most important thing right now.
So, he, Holly, sat up against the wall, and Noah was over there looking hot, and Holly smoked and grinned back at the polite 'thank you' that Noah lobbed his way. He leaned his head more against the wall, and then he checked Noah out. The guy, Noah, smiled that lazy smile around the blunt, and Holly reached down and ran a heavy hand over the disobediently wayward curls on Noah's head. The guy was beautiful. That was what Holly was thinking, and he was a combination of mingled worry and adoration, and he wondered to himself, in this idle way, when the last time he'd seen Noah really, really happy was. His mind worked its way back, rewound, and he thought maybe August? But even that had been, like, an oasis in the desert, you know? He worried. He, Holly, was kinda used to life beating him the fuck down, and he wasn't ever a happy or lighthearted guy, but Noah, Noah was made for sunshine, right? And it seemed like there wasn't much happiness in the guy's life recently. And he knew Noah would argue that he, Holly, made him happy. But, you know, outside of that.
Holly took the joint when it was handed back, and he flattened it even more between bowed lips. He didn't hand it back immediately this time. He kept it, and he kept toking lightly, keeping it burning as he held it between his lips. Noah was moving, nuzzling, kissing, and Holly cupped the back of the guy's head and made a sound of pleasure around the blunt.] I love you too. [Earnest. He didn't deadpan it this time, and he didn't tease. He thought maybe Noah just needed to hear it, right? Just the plain, unadorned, unadulterated words, and then the guy was rolling back a little and asking for a kiss.] You're gonna have to come up here. [That Holly said with a smile, and he plucked the joint from between his lips and offered it back one last time, you know, after another good inhale. And he wasn't stoned or anything, not yet, but he was feeling good with the soothing impact of the weed overtop of the painkiller.]