Re: [in-person: holly & noah.]
[No, no. It wasn't that Holly was making it about his dad. It was that he had the point of reference—and therefore the specific concern—because of his dad. And keep in mind, Noah only even knew that bc he was up in there. Not bc Holly was actually doing anything. Like, nah, dude. Noah knew Holly was worrying about HIM, but he saw the outcome of his, Holly's, dad as a possibility. That's what I meant. But, Noah did get Holly was angry. Resentful, maybe. Angry at feeling helpless and hurt and scared, and how shitty people were so fucking consistently. But, dude, sometimes, it really didn't feel FAIR that Noah got to basically eavesdrop, except way more intensively, on Holly. So, when the dude was saying stuff over the forums, Noah knew it, and, Noah had realized, somewhere in the convo with Dante, where Holly was talking about being angry in a way he hadn't talked about with Noah, that maybe it wasn't—like, maybe the dude...—maybe it was just too unfair. Holly should get to have his own thoughts on things and be private. He should get to not talk about stuff with Noah, without Noah knowing and/or feeling bad about it. That was why he'd mentioned whatever. Not because he wanted to do it, but because Holly might want him to. Because he didn't want the dude to start resenting him too.
It was harder in person to believe that was a possibility, than it was when Noah was alone and despairing af. Rn, it wasn't really there in the dude's head. Holly was determined to sit up against the wall and Noah plopped onto the bed beside his husband, smoke streaming from him as he went, like he was a train coming into the station or something. Noah had to clear his throat a few times when Holly inhaled, because the dude was coughing and Noah felt like he was coughing, but it was fine.] Thank you, [Noah said politely as the joint was given back to him. He lifted his face toward the ceiling, the back of his head in his palm, and took a drag, held it, then let out the swirl of smoke.
When he looked back at Holly, the dude was checking him out, which, obviously, wasn't exactly news to Noah. He smiled a little lazily around the blunt, crushing it slightly between his teeth. He wasn't stoned or anything yet, but it was nice to just... be in bed with Holly and to not, idk, be freaking out about maybe-almost killing his stupid mom. Noah turned back toward Holly, so his cheek was his prop point, and he held out the spit-softened joint, butt first, to the other dude. While he did that, Noah let himself take a long look at Holly. He, Noah, was pretty much beside the dude's ass and legs, on his side, and he had to tilt his head up to follow the soft slope of Holly's chest. Instead of answering the dude, or returning the compliment, Noah rolled toward Holly, just enough to kiss him, warmly and wetly, just above his belly button.—He nuzzled there, breathing the dude in, then set his cheek there, so he was half-draped on part of Holly's lap. It wasn't easy to look up, so he didn't. His voice was smoke-croaky when he spoke.] I love you. [Noah forced himself to roll back a little, so he COULD peer up at Holly.] Kiss me?