Re: Amy's trailer: Amy M/Si M
The house had been big. Big and vast and with rooms that weren't rooms, and with nothing staying still and nothing staying the same. In a small space, she could see. She could see everything that was coming from everywhere. No blind spots, and her marriage had taught her the false security of corners. But she didn't actually need small or corners right now, because Si was large and looming and safe, and that was how it had always been. Even when he hadn't been big or looming, he'd still been safe, and she curled her toes against his thigh and leaned her cheek against the back of the couch, cup resting on her kneecaps and cupped between her fingers.
But she'd been trying for a long, long time to fix everything. It had been her job, kind of. Crazy, nonsense, too emotional, too outspoken, but she'd tried to drag everyone together and tie them in bows. She'd managed to get Jamie and Mars in the same house, and that felt good, and what she didn't want to do was cause a schism between any of them. And she'd tried to explain it to Jamie, that the only thing that mattered was that they loved each other, but he never understood. Mars understood, even though she didn't want to understand, but Jamie didn't. "It's what I really want," she said. "When Jamie and I try, we both end up hurt. It doesn't get better ever. Haven't you noticed? I don't want you fighting because of me," she said, and she wasn't being a martyr. She was being honest. She knew what mattered. She did. She'd learned it during a fall and with a rope around her throat.