Re: log: adrian and ren - in the cottage
Adrian dropped Ren's tea carefully into his mug - this was something he could do, and do successfully, and do right now. Small acts that could be executed easily were soothing.
He was tired. He had lost some weight over the last month or two, and while he wasn't frail, he was a little on the gaunt side. It would surely take some time in safety before appetite and any zeal for really living came back, he assumed. Sue had no such compunctions, but he only had so much time to down fries and milkshakes before Adrian was around again.
He poured the hot water into the mug of tea, again successfully, and he leaned against the countertop gently, as if it might break under his weight. The mug steamed across from Ren, and Adrian's stayed on the table where he'd left it, steeping away.
Ren stood then, and Adrian's eyes skittered across him with a smothered, mute, darting observance. He wasn't alarmed, but he was still so aware of people entering his space. Ren talked about coffee and the time in the woods and blowjobs and Adrian didn't cry, though he did feel like he might. He pressed his fingertips against the corners of his eyes and wicked moisture away, flicking it to the floor. A bubble of something rose to the top of his chest, and hovered there. Weirdly emotional, maybe, considering the context. It had been a long few weeks, but the relief was a little crushing.
He looked at Ren, forcing himself to fix his gaze instead of looking from fingers to the fabric of his shirt to the floor and back again. He let Ren grasp his hand. "That's," he said, with every intention to reciprocate Ren's kindness with something profound. Nothing came to him. "Thank you." He blinked. His voice wobbled a little. "I'd like to hug you if that's okay."
"Everybody," he said. "Sorry. I think. People that aren't you. A lot of them. I don't talk to them well. They don't like me. I'm not good with them. Sue is. He gets by. But people - my brother, or Newt, or - Noah, he was a friend, he's not a friend anymore, I can't get through a conversation, and I fuck it up. Or I nearly kill someone. Or." He felt as if he was melting at the edges, the misery of months coming out of his very pores. Oh, no. "Anyway," he said, and hugged Ren.