Re: Hannah S/Jamie M
Whoa. Okay. So I wasn't trying to pick that scab.
Look, the stuff I fixated on as a kid? Is all the stuff that I remember first when I look back. But I remember the other stuff, the family stuff, too. I remember the together stuff, I remember Molly's birthday and yours and Si's, and I remember the Christmas Dad ran out of wrapping paper and used the newspaper and said Santa Claus was just like, well-read that year. It's just when I was eleven or twelve or eight, the stuff that mattered to me right then was the stuff that kept me awake, or made me scared and that's what my like, memory of growing up - like not in the family, but in the world was like. I don't think you have it wrong, I think we like, bring shit to it and that changes how we remember. That doesn't make the stuff different, it's just like, perspective. I don't think Dad was bad. He's said some stuff, but I know he loves me and I don't like, DOUBT that.
For Mars, I'm kinda thinking maybe she thinks that if we could go on living without her, maybe that stuff wasn't real. And that doesn't change the stuff that happened, that it was real but she remembers it the way stuff feels after. Memory's fucked, Amy. That doesn't make the things that happened less true and I know way too much about the way my nails look like painted to forget I had three sibs for a really long time who liked to paint them, yk?