Re: [Boating: Hugh and Atticus]
"I got caught up in a murder trial." This was stated matter-of-factly, while his gaze was on Atticus' face half curious, but it was a Google search away, and he was tired of pretending around it - if it was asked outright - and if he said and people backed away, then that was fine. "I wasn't the murderer, don't worry. And I knew I loved her before - about a year before, I just was afraid she wouldn't feel the same way and I think if you're accusing me of liking emotionally unavailable people, it's maybe not a lie, but that isn't why I loved her."
And maybe he did lie as a survival mechanism, but he wasn't certain it was doing himself any good at this point. Mostly it just meant that he didn't trust his own emotions or thoughts on the matter, and he didn't have good outside references points anymore.
"Should have gone to Seattle," he told him wryly. "I got my first kiss in high school, from a guy. But theatre kid, it tends to attract." His gaze flickered to the horizon again. "There's only so much hurting you can do, you know? I realize sometimes the only way out is through, but I feel like it keeps eating away at my optimism and hope too. I don't like who I am in the middle of it sometimes." And that was the root of the struggle he was facing right now, to be someone he liked in spite of the way his mind wandered to the worst possibilities.