Re: Holly's place: Holly/ Noah
It wasn't about giving him control. He heard Holly say it, but Noah didn't believe it, because it didn't feel like that to him. It felt like taking something from him and it felt like it was happening because he was stupid enough to walk into it. Or maybe it was a punishment for ending up in his mom's bed. Or maybe it was just part of the running joke that his life had become recently. Holly was telling him it wasn't a bad thing, but it felt like a bad thing. Like, man, he, Noah, had been there for other Holly's death. At no point, before that or after, had he ever considered trying to find a way to turn it all off. Even Ren's most recent offer had been basically turned down. It was a life that was inconceivable to Noah, and he didn't want it. Whatever it cost him to be like he was, he didn't care. Because it was who he was, dude. It was a part of it. And he couldn't imagine a world that was different like that.
Holly reached for him and Noah let him, tears running free down his cheeks now. Holly was telling him they couldn't do things that were bad for each other and that this wasn't good for him (Noah) and couldn't they just try it? He knew the dude was close to pleading. Noah got that it was important to him. He got that Holly felt like this was all his fault or something. And Noah decided maybe if he could just dissuade Holly of that idea, then it would be fine. "It wasn't you." Okay, the words, right there, when you read them, seem clear. But, Noah was sort of crying and he reached up to grab Holly's hands and pull them from his face, aided by the lubrication of his tears, and he was trying to shake his head. "You didn't do anything and nothing happened!" Noah fumbled for his back pocket, to pull out his phone. His pants, fly-undone, were loose on the hips, but he got the thing. It slipped a little in his slick grasp, but he didn't care. He showed Holly the screen. "Look. Let me—I'll call my mom. I'll ask her. Okay? And if nothing happened, then we don't have to do anything. Then it's FINE."