Why set standards? Why not live and be and grow. Learn yourself, meet people, know them. Why standards? Why do that? Fine, we fail, because learning is failing, but you're suggesting it's fine to lie, to pretend, to be selfish and lie to people. That's what it sounds like you're saying, so please clarify if it isn't.
I hold to my opinion that the intention to hurt isn't the most important thing. Hurting someone, that's the most important thing. And trying to excuse it over and over by stating intention is the same as ignoring the hurt you caused. I don't hide my personality or pretend it's different than it is just because I want to be liked.