Re: Capital: Sam & Cris
"Your job isn't to help me feel better. That isn't your job. I know- I know I depended on you to fix everything at first, to make everything better for me. I know I did, and I know I burned you out on it. Don't say no. Don't say no. We're here now, like this, because it was all about ME, taking care of ME for a year, and shit isn't like that. It isn't. Ok? It needs to be about both of us. It needs to be fair, and it needs to be about both of us, or we end up like this. I know you hate it. Fair, that word, I know you hate it, but it needs to be fair. You got stuff too, ok, and pretending it's not there, shoving it down, focusing on me, it can't last forever. Eventually, you get pulled too tight, too hurt, too like you are now. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want you to hurt yourself because I SUCK at making things better for you, ok? I don't want that. I love you to much. I- It would be better not to have you, not to fuck shit up, than to have you hurt yourself because I make you feel alone. I don't want you to feel alone. I don't want you to feel alone." She rocked against him - tried to, anyway, and she pressed her cheek to his shoulder. "I just need a little time, ok? It'll be better. This'll be better. You do things right. You do. You're good. I love you. You saved me a million fucking times over the last year. Now you gotta let me figure out how to give back." She sounded dazed, and she pulled back and looked at him soft. "I don't want you to keep anything hidden away. I just need a little bit of time, ok? I needed a lot this whole time, now let me try to be the one that gives, yeah? I know I haven't proved I can do it, but I'll clean up and stop feeling like I do right now, today, and it'll be ok."
She sniffled pathetic. "All I want right now is for you to hold me, and to not be disappointed if I'm not good at this today. Just today."