Re: Capital: Sam & Cris
There was something fucking soothing about that show of teeth. Ok, maybe that didn't make a lot of sense, and maybe it woulda sent her running months back, but not now. Now it was something immediate, yeah? No distance and RIGHT THERE, and she always did better like that. It made her talk without thinking, and she did better when she didn't bounce thoughts around her head like a ball in a pinball machine. "I get to decide if you're enough for me. NOT YOU. Me. That's my choice. I don't talk about that to anyone. I don't know HOW. I said more to you than I ever said to anyone, but I'm ashamed about it, ok? It's fucking SCARY. That doesn't mean you aren't enough for me." Her fingers on the IV pole tightened, whitened. "I GET you don't wanna deal with it, or that you think you can't, and I'd rather know that and NOT make you deal with it, yeah? But you can't have it both ways. It can't be TOO MUCH, and you can't turn around and say you don't want me to go." She looked at him, eyes damp and him stammering to a halt. "I know I was really fucked up before I came out here. I know I made you do shit you regret, and I get I'm A LOT to deal with. More than you signed up for maybe, and I get that. I get you got no reason to think I'll stay clean. No one fucking thinks I can stay clean, and it's not their fault. It's mine."
She had to lean back against the wall some, stop a minute, hips back against white paint, her trapping his hand there, between her back and the wall, and him saying he was a mess. "Neil was staying at this woman's place, taking care of her baby girl, the one Ian kidnapped later. It made him want a kid, but he changed his mind after, or he just didn't want one with me." The words spilled, unthinking, and she rubbed her face with one hand and looked over toward the bank of windows into the NICU, which was only blocked by a door that the bracelet she wore would open when she neared it just a little bit more.
She exhaled hard. "I want a clove so fucking bad." She pushed herself away from the wall with a wince, one that said leaning back had been a bad fucking idea. "I miss when you didn't know how fucked I really was," she added quiet confessional, and she moved closer to those double doors, walking through once they opened.
Up ahead, the nursery was on the left, and she stopped just shy of the windows.