Re: The Capital: Holly W & Noah N
Holly wasn't actually thinking about the motel. He wasn't thinking about Halloween, either, not in any, like, cognizant way. It was probably there, yeah, some foundation that was unsteady, but he didn't get it fed into this. The longer he was in Noah's presence, the more he forgot what this even was, right? Like, when he'd walked in here? It had been clearly defined, the outline of hurt dark and etched in his mind, and now those edges were fuzzy-frayed, and he wasn't sure about any of it. That was what being around Noah did to him. And, like, when he left the listening room? It wasn't because Noah had said too much. Holly knew Noah thought he was overwhelmed by the words and the compliments, but Holly wasn't overwhelmed. He was... moved? Moved, and Holly kinda wasn't accustomed to the feeling of buzzing beneath his skin.
So, Queen, and he kinda got his own emotions under control a little bit during the brief requisition. The song was kinda deliberate in a thoughtless way, and he leaned back and watched Noah mirror that arm-cross. Now, Holly knew he was deadpan, guarded, he knew all that. He wasn't unaware of his defense mechanisms or the reasons they existed, right? He knew, but it was weird to see Noah mirror the pose, because Noah was, like, the most unguarded person Holly had ever met. Too, he knew he, Holly, had been more open during that first month, but they were still working back there, right? I mean, that was what this thing was about, this 'time without sex' thing, at least to Holly's thinking. It was about getting back there.
He lifted an arm to wave away Noah's apology about the cottaging, because it was the last thing Noah said, and because it was the thing Holly thought maybe he needed to get across most. "Hey, no, look, me being freaked out? Doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Before us? You could do whatever, and there's no shame in it, right? I mean, okay, I don't get the anonymous sex thing, but I do jack myself in front of a thousand strangers daily, so, yeah. I know I freak and make it sound like something bad you did, but it's not. Okay? It's just me not getting it and being worried," he said. It was earnest, right? Holly was seldom that kinda open, and the space felt even smaller than it had a few seconds earlier. "Not telling me all your conversations is normal. I don't tell you all of mine. Just..., Dietre blindsided me. That's all," and Holly totally got he was walking himself back from the edge with his own clarifications here, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing.
He crossed his arms again, protectively, and that was the thing about Holly, right? He closed up, even when he was being honest... especially when he was being honest. "I think this is real too, and that's what's scary. If I didn't think it was real? Losing it wouldn't feel so huge, you know?" Beat, and then he took a step forward and, if Noah let him, he uncrossed the guy's arms. "That's not you."