Re: The Capital: Holly W & Noah N
The side-eye was comforting. It was part of a familiar dynamic, and it kind of helped Noah feel like Holly didn't hate him. He knew Holly didn't. But, dude, Noah knew too how powerful an emotion fear was. It shaped people's lives, often in the worst ways. And all of this, between him and Holly, had been a (slightly wobbly) act of trust. It'd all rested on that, dude. And that had been, like, violently upended. Just like it had been at the motel, when Noah's identity was revealed. And just like it had been after the party, when the contract, the sort of promise, that Noah was who he said he was and not some phantom bully, was another upheaval. Each time, Noah worked to repair the trust, as much as he fucking could, and Holly, thus far, had let him, had helped him. And who knew when the last time would be. Noah couldn't expect Holly to do it forever.
But, maybe he'd do it this time? Noah knew the words were coming. Holly's expression was one tell, but, there was the obvious too. He felt them. He listened, the sound of Holly's voice all but silencing the song as far as Noah was concerned and his smile, tenuous as it was, dropped away as his face molded into apology, into worry and earnestness and everything else. He scoffed, a click of the tongue, at the mention of Adrian acting entitled, because what the fuck. And he just shook his head at Dietre, a frown heavy on his features. It was a lot. Holly was totally right. It was a lot and none of it was anything Noah could control or change, which made it all the more frustrating.
Sleeves stretched over his knuckles, his hands dangled between his thighs on loose wrists, jangling a little as he bounced the leg that wasn't against Holly. "I know it's a lot." He said that first, letting it stand alone as acknowledgment. "I don't know what to say about the cottaging, other than you have to trust me. I know it's hard. But,..." Noah looked over at Holly. "I don't want to do it. And we made a promise, didn't we? That if I ever do, I'll tell you." He sighed a little, giving another curl-tossing shake of his head. "I'm not close to Dietre. I'm not close to Adrian. He doesn't even know what he's done with me, dude. He has no idea. That's how little knowledge of me he has. I can't even express how fucking uninterested I am in him or Dietre. On top of that, I can't even express how interested I am in you. There's such a huge divide that I—dude, it doesn't even... it, like, doesn't register that they even exist. I don't care what they think. I don't care what Dietre thinks about me. I don't care if he thinks I'm this or whatever or if he's entitled, because that's all in his head. Just like it is with Adrian. There's nothing there." Noah's foot bounced more and he lifted a hand to wipe at his cheek as he thought/talked, them being one in the same. "This?" He gestured between them with fingers poking out of white. "Is real. There's something here. A lot here. And you're the only one entitled to my ass." Noah glanced at Holly in intervals, because it was uncomfortable to try to look at him, because he couldn't really turn toward him in the tiny space. "I know that doesn't mean that it wasn't a lot with them. And I know it felt real to you and that it scared you. But, what I'm trying to tell you, is that it isn't real." Gently, if he was able, he lifted his arm, having to reach across his lap, and he brushed the fabric of sweater over Holly's wrist a little. "Just this, baby boy." And he meant it.