Re: [Outside the Rec Center.]
"That's cheating. The pet name." Holly said it completely calm, but it immediately made wings flutter in his stomach, and it was absolutely cheating. And he wasn't insecure, okay? It wasn't that. Holly was completely good with who he was and how he looked, so that wasn't the genesis of the concerns, which maybe he should clarify, but he wasn't certain what to clarify and what to leave alone. It would absolutely seem more cool if he just left it at that deadpan utterance about pet names, right? "I know you're into me. I know you think I'm hot, and that you want to get in me, and that right now you're totally interested. It's down the line I'm worried about. I don't know, maybe we can set up rules or something." That sounded feeble even to his own ears, but he couldn't reinsert the words, so there they were. The comment about Jack not visiting gloryholes did make Holly smile, though, a brief flicker of it in the cramped Jeep. "You think you like dudes more. What if you're wrong?" Because, see, Holly was floundering with no guarantees, when it came right down to it. With a monetary arrangement, he wouldn't expect any.
"You're kidding me, right? You're physically attractive to me. If you require proof, just direct your attention to my super-hard cock on your thigh." He wasn't into Jamie. Holly was kinda a one-person person in the extreme, which was the whole origin of the fear. "I'm not into him. I don't have room for anyone else when I'm into someone." Maybe that sounded freaky? He wasn't sure, so he moved on.
And moving on was easy, you know, when panic painted everything surrounding itself in shadows. His hands were on the door, over Noah's shoulders, but Noah pushing up left Holly kinda inadvertently gripping Noah's shoulders. If they were outside right now? He'd totally be pacing. But Noah's hands were on his cheeks, and there was nowhere to go. Holly wanted to yell, because there was safety in volume, but instead he had to be quiet, because Noah would be too quiet to hear otherwise. He kinda tried to look down at the finger that was fiddling with the jacket, but it was just a means of stalling. "I only took the picture because I knew you were into it. It didn't mean I was planning on..., um, but then you wanted me to, and I suck at no, see? I'm not good at this. At... this," and he motioned with his hands. He sucked at this, at not getting lost in what someone else wanted, and then there were regrets and things hurt and he'd avoided this for six fucking years. A good shrink would probably blame everything on his upbringing, but wasn't that always the case?