She didn’t bother to even glance back once at him while they made their way into the library and down to the second floor. Aside from a few nods and smiles of reassurance to both the survivors and her men that everything was fine, her gaze remained fixed ahead. She didn’t want to worry anyone by looking too tense and hurried even though every muscle in her body felt rigid and her anticipation to get straight down to business made her stomach tighten into an impatient knot.
It was almost a relief to shut the door behind them once they were in her office. She had a general idea of what she wanted to say to Rodeo. Actually, not even just a general idea. She had a clear idea of a lot of things she wanted to say to him, to ask him, to lash out at him for. But she had to push them all down. She needed to organize her thoughts. She needed to stay calm and she needed to approach this with professionalism. Unfortunately, that all shot to hell the moment he opened his mouth and she heard his voice – his words. He was apologizing. Apologizing.
Jadyn figured that he must be feeling some semblance of guilt, but, at the same time, she couldn’t help but think that maybe he wasn’t as affected by the incident as he seemed to appear. Maybe this was just a ruse. Maybe he was only acting sorrowful because he still wanted the alliance between them. She knew that her thoughts couldn’t be justified and that there was a likelihood they weren’t true.
But there was also the undeniable fact that they could be true and that very thought pissed her off to no end. It was irrational, yet it came and she couldn’t bottle all of her emotions in anymore – not when the loss was still so fresh. “You’re damn right it’s on you,” she said, slamming her hand down on top of her desk. She spun around to look him square in the eyes. The impassive expression she had on earlier had completely disappeared and in its place was nothing but anger.
It burned bright and hot, and it darkened the green of her hues as she met him head on. “He’s fucking dead,” she snapped at him, “He is dead and it is your fault, so you can shove your fuckin’ self-deprecating apology up your goddamn ass. I don’t need it, I don’t want it, I don’t even want to hear it coming out of your mouth. That is not what I invited you here for.” Taking a deep breath, she reached up to rub her temple as she held up a hand to signify she still had more to say. “You were responsible for his safety, Rodeo.” Her voice had dipped back down. It was much calmer as she tried to recompose herself.
“So, can you explain to me what the hell is a ‘security breach’ supposed to mean?” She could hear her Brooklyn accent thickening with her disbelief. “Because I’d love to hear the reason why I’d lost my brother today.” Folding her arms against her chest, she leant back against her desk and waited, her gaze locked onto him. She had so much she wanted to say still. Too much. It was all just brimming underneath the surface ready to spill forth at any moment. But she didn’t have that luxury. Not completely. She needed to stay on track, needed to fight through the emotional highs and lows.
She didn’t have the comfort of just throwing it all out there and storming away. She had a job to do.