Paige Goodall (shearmadness) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2017-04-18 20:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2020 [04] april, nathan posey, paige goodall |
Who: Nate Posey & Paige Goodall
Where: a new Tex-Mex restaurant
What: Trying out a new place and revisiting some feelings of the past.
When: April 7th, evening
It felt a bit like deja vu to be out to dinner with Nate at a Tex-Mex restaurant, but when he’d asked here to go out to dinner with him so they could try the new joint in town, she hadn’t really thought of how much of a blast from the past it would be. Looking over the menu, she paused to look up and over at Nate, giving him a smile. “Everything looks so good. Do you know what you’re getting yet?” “Half the menu,” Nathan joked in reply, throwing a smile across the table at Paige. Enough time had passed that the kiss in February wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when he saw or talked to her, but it had made him realize over the course of the last few months that at least some of his feelings for her had never completely gone away. Telling her that might derail their friendship though. The restaurant was a lot nicer than the ones that he used to frequent back in college; nice enough that when they walked in Nathan had the irrational thought that it seemed like a date. “But probably the Tacos Al Carbon to start.” He flipped through the menu again, scanning it. “Maybe a quesadilla too.” “Seems like you’re even more of a bottomless pit when there’s Mexican food,” Paige laughed, then added, “I think I’ll get enchiladas. But we both know I’ll eat two baskets of chips and salsa and have tons of leftovers.” Back when they were married, Paige would have been lucky if she got to the leftovers first. At least now that she lived alone, she knew she would definitely get to eat them. This was all so strange, being out to dinner with Nate. This was beyond what their friendship was these days, especially after their kiss a couple months ago. It wasn’t anywhere near as awkward as their first date, but she couldn’t help but wonder what the meaning of all this was. “Everything alright with you?” “Yeah,” he replied slowly, like he’d had to consider the answer. “Reckon we should talk, though.” There was probably a better way to start the conversation, but it wasn’t going to make either of them more comfortable to dance around what wasn’t being said. It was better if he just laid it all out there anyway, wasn’t it? “So,” he closed the menu he’d been holding and looked at Paige, “that kiss.” Maybe he should have thought about how he’d bring it up. “I didn’t mean to do it, but it got me thinkin’.” He stopped while he tried to sort out his next sentence, and to let Paige process what he’d already said. Suddenly this was all starting to make sense to Paige. She knew they’d slipped up and it was a mistake that could ruin their friendship. And if they were alone some place there was a chance it could happen again, hence them being out in public. “Look, I don’t want to ruin our friendship so if pretending like it never happened makes that easier, we can keep doing that,” Paige said then bit at her lip nervously. After all, if he’d wanted more he would have said something sooner, right? Nathan took a breath, he looked directly at Paige and ignored his nerves. “I don’t want to,” he replied. “Forget it, I mean.” He felt like he was standing on a limb, and however Paige responded would dictate whether or not it broke beneath his feet. But he kept pressing on. “I’ve been tryin’ to act like there ain’t anythin’ here anymore,” he gestured between the two of them, “but I ain’t been real good at makin’ it go away.” He thought this felt worse than asking her out, or asking her to marry him. There was the possibility that she’d tell him off. Paige was silent for a few moments, looking across the table at Nate with a mixed expression of shock and fear. He swallowed hard, recognizing her expression immediately, and waiting for the let down. When they’d been good, they were so good and it wasn’t something that she forgot easily. Since he came back into her life, sure things had been awkward, but it was also so reminiscent of their time together as boyfriend and girlfriend and eventually as husband and wife. Obviously she still loved him. She believed that love, no matter how big or small, wasn’t ever forgotten. But could this work between them again? Exhaling loudly, Paige opened her mouth to speak, but naturally that was the moment their waiter came over to take their order. Feeling a blush rise to her cheeks, as if their server could just tell that he’d interrupted something, she ordered her food quickly and allowed Nate to do the same. Once they were alone again, Paige ran a hand nervously through her hair, letting out an awkward laugh. “What timing, huh? I… I’m not going to pretend that I don’t feel it. I do. But I’m scared that things will turn out like they did last time. And I can’t do that again.” “I can’t either,” he replied, probably too quickly. “I did a lot of things wrong back then, I made the wrong things my priority.” Nathan stopped short of saying more than that, reigning himself in. “I was a dumb kid, but I ain’t that kid anymore.” He hoped he didn’t look as hopeful as he felt, but he wanted so badly for this conversation not to be the end. Pushing a hand through his hair, taking another deep breath, he met her eyes. “I don’t want to put you in a place you don’t wanna be in, either, though.” He couldn’t, and he wouldn’t force her into trying again. “Just thought it was fair to tell y’all, is all.” Nathan smiled across the table, like maybe that would reassure her of something. “You know, you were one of the best things in my life. Just didn’t realize it ‘til too late.” How could her heart not melt when the man that she’d loved for over a decade declared his feelings like that? She was hesitant to start up anything again with him and scared that it would all go wrong, but what if it didn’t? What if the biggest mistake in her life would be not giving this a second try? It wasn’t as if this was a gamble, either. She knew Nate. Knew just about everything there was to know about him. And he made her happy and made her laugh. The ways in which they’d failed before was due to immaturity and stubbornness. But like Nate said, they weren’t kids anymore. “I think I’ve been in a place I haven’t wanted to be ever since we got divorced, Nate,” Paige said, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat and her eyes beginning to well up. “You were my first love and I want you to be my last.” He blinked. He ran a hand through his hair. He tried to figure out whether he’d heard her right. It had definitely sounded like what Nathan hadn’t really been letting himself hope for. Then, before too many seconds crept by he smiled, a little shaky around the edges, a little dumbfounded. “I love you.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, inelegant, but he hadn’t said them earlier, too hesitant to alarm Paige with a weighty declaration, but they’d been beating at his ribcage, wanting to escape. “So goddamn much, Beautiful.” A few heads turned their way, and Nathan swallowed down a laugh. Abruptly, it felt like he had walked into a rom-com. Maybe he’d been living one since she had come back to Texas. Pushing his chair back, Nathan stood and leaned across the table, slid his hands so they cradled Paige’s face between them. “You’re it. You always have been.” He kissed her briefly. “We can take it as slow as y’want. It’ll be your call.” Paige was laughing and crying and blushing up a storm, feeling several pairs of eyes on them as they caused quite a scene here at the restaurant. Instinctively, she kissed him back, a hand of her own raising to touch the side of his face, feeling that this was really real. “I love you too. But you’re crushing the table and I think the waiter is here with some of our food,” Paige said, her face hurting from how widely she was smiling. Pulling back, she settled back into her chair, her face still beet red from this whole spectacle. She didn’t even care though because this wasn’t what she’d been expecting tonight but it was better than anything she could have imagined. They had work to do, figuring out what all this meant for them, but her heart was fluttering in excitement now that she knew there was still hope for the two of them. “Hey, sorry,” Nathan offered to their mildly uncomfortable waiter as he dropped back down into his seat. He was stunned in a good kind of way; in the way he’d been the first time he’d realized and told her that she was it for him. “Thanks man,” he added as a few plates were set on the table. He hoped that that smoothed over their very public display. It seemed like most of the other patrons had lost interest with them, but he hadn’t really bothered to look away from Paige to check, grinning as widely as his face would let him. Maybe he looked a little crazy, but it felt like a stone had been lifted off of him. “Lord, this looks great.” He took a deep breath in through his nose, exaggerating a little to get Paige to laugh. There was plenty to talk about, but they had time, and Nathan was more than happy to table discussions for now. It had to be one step at a time. |