Demi Rafferty (enavant) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2017-03-15 16:27:00 |
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The act of dropping in on Nina had for the most part been lost entirely, Demi still saw her friend, but it was always a scheduled visit now. It had been over a year since Demi had just shown up randomly on Nina’s doorstep like a stray cat and she imagined that truly was a thing of the past. Their lives, all of their lives, had changed so quickly that Demi was certain that was why she had fallen out of the habit, or taken to making an appointment with Nina at her office instead. But this wasn’t a conversation to be had in an office, or at least it wasn’t a conversation that Demi wanted to have in an office. It was personal and not something she was itching for others -- beyond Nina -- to know. It felt like ages since she and Nina had had a true heart to heart. Schedules were a tricky thing like that. Sometimes Demi missed the days when one of her dearest friend’s hadn’t held the most important position in the city, but then she remembered what the city had been like back then and her own desire for more of Nina’s time didn’t outweigh the fact that her friend was doing real good in the city. Three knocks on Nina’s door was all Demi managed before her friend pulled it open and with a quick, “Hi Nina,” Demi slipped past her and into the Governor’s mansion. “How are you?” She asked as she moved towards the living room. Nina’s parents lived here with her, so Demi wasn't certain where her friend would want to sit and chat, but until that was figured out she had a feeling the living room would do just fine to settle in. Which was exactly what Demi did, settling into one of the high backed chairs, legs thrown over the arm and waited for her friend to answer her. "Oh, I'm good, thank you." The zombie hunter program that had been announced by the researcher team the day prior was concerning, but Nina couldn't help but be thankful that wasn't the program's actual name. And despite scientists' calls for zombie prisoners, things were on the up and up. After all, a cure was being researched and the crime wave in the Greenbelt had been halted. Amanda had started working again, though Nina hadn't ever doubted her vacation would last more than a few days, and she was looking forward to an evening with one of her closest friends. It was a relief to hear Nina say she was doing well. Demi worried about her friend and the weight of responsibility that was put on, though she supposed that responsibility was still better than having Olinger watching you like a hawk. “Good, I’m glad you’re well.” Demi remarked as a smile appeared at the corners of her mouth. "Me, too," Nina replied with a smile. "And yourself?" She eyed her friend with curious interest. "What brings you over here instead of an evening at work?" Now, if only Demi felt like she could answer the same way Nina had just moments before. “I’m--” Demi paused. “Mostly doing well.” It was the truth, in every area besides she and Isaac’s attempts to start a family she was doing really well. “Do I need a concrete reason? Can’t I just decide to give up a night of work to spend it with one of my dearest friends?” She continued. “A friend I don’t see near enough of and manage to have an in depth conversation with even less than that.” Demi didn’t want to unload on Nina right off the bat, that didn’t seem very fair to the other woman in her opinion. "These are all valid points." Still, there seemed to be more to the story than that, and Nina had made a career out of piecing together the details out of nothing. There was also a precedent of Demi only coming by when she needed to talk about something. So she leaned back in her chair, studying Demi carefully, before saying: "So let's have an in-depth conversation." When they had been in the Capitol Nina had always been Demi’s guiding voice, the only person outside of Isaac who Demi had felt even remotely comfortable with. That was very likely why the other woman was who she turned to when something was really weighing her down, she trusted her and she was one of her dearest friends. “Okay,” Demi replied. “Is here good?” She had no idea who out of Nina’s family was around. "Yes, this is fine." Nina's parents were home, but the place was big enough for them to not be overheard despite how relatively in the open they were. "Go on." “So,” she took a pause. “Isaac and I have been trying to start a family.” Demi left it at that for the moment, she would let Nina process that before she continued with the heartbreak of the false pregnancy. "All right," Nina replied, still watching Demi carefully. Her calm demeanor was a far cry from the excitement she truly felt at the fact that two of her friends were hoping for children, but she couldn't help the tinge of jealousy she felt at the fact that both of her friends wanted that. Amanda had made it quite clear that it wasn't something she pictured for herself. While she might not have expected a confetti and streamers kind of reaction from Nina, Demi could admit that the calm and collected one she got hadn’t been how she thought her friend would respond either. It made her wonder for a moment if Nina had some opinion or feelings on the matter she was keeping to herself for some reason or another. Still, she wasn’t going to let that thought bog her down, nor did her small smile falter. As calm as Nina appeared, though, an ability she attributed to going through law school and trial by Olinger, she didn't want to seem disinterested when she certainly was anything but that. Nina offered a smile, leaning forward to place her hand on Demi's. "And?" Demi’s concern over what Nina might be thinking lift a little as her friend grasped her hand. “Last month we thought we were pregnant, all the signs pointed towards that being the case, but then I took a test and it was negative,” there’s a beat before Demi added. “We’ve been trying since November,” and then in a smaller voice she said. “I really want to give Isaac the chance to be a dad again…” He deserved that after everything he had been through, both with losing his family and then all the hell she had put him through early on with her Hellhound ties. "That must be stressful." Nina's expression shifted into one of commiseration as she watched her friend speak. "It's always hard when you think something will go one way, and then it doesn't end up being so. But I know that some people end up trying for a long time before that happens, and it's not as though pregnancy is the only way for you both to be parents." The latter was something Demi knew well enough, Nina knew, but she felt it important to state nonetheless -- especially since it had been something she had been considering off and on for herself, too, all things considered. Her shoulders slumped and Demi sighed. “You have no idea,” she admitted, the last four months had been a rollercoaster in terms of whether that month would be the month they got pregnant. “And I know that sometimes it takes awhile, I just, I had let my hopes get so high.” Demi shifted in the chair she had claimed, moving so that she now sat cross legged in it. She knew she shouldn’t have let her hopes get so high, but she had. “We haven’t ruled out adoption, or, at least I haven’t,” she continued, after all she had been an adoptee herself. “The orphanage probably has a million kids who could use parents,” Demi wondered if it was selfish -- the desire she had in wanting a biological child when so many children could use a happy and healthy home. “Have you been there?” she paused. “To the orphanage I mean.” "Yes. They've done a great job building it up, and I know that several people who applied right away are close to being fully approved." Nina hadn't yet spoken to anyone about her infrequent visits there, and she hadn't officially begun volunteering or working with any of the children, but she was realizing now that it would be a shame to hide this fact from Demi. Discussing it, though, would mean she'd have to talk about a number of other things that she'd been avoiding. "Is that something you and Isaac have discussed as an option, at all?" she asked instead. “We have,” Demi answered with a nod. “Not at any great length, but we’ve both acknowledged there are other avenues for us to become parents,” She paused and shifted in the chair to better be able to meet her friend’s gaze. “Either way we’ll have the family we want, I think,” another pause. “Maybe I’m just worrying about nothing.” They hadn’t even been trying for six months yet and Isaac had told her on more than one occasion that it could take time. A pause. “And bogarting this whole conversation,” Demi added with a faint smile. Nina laughed, a good-natured smile lighting upon her face briefly at the self-aware remark. "I know things will work out for you two, even if you aren't sure how that will all happen yet." Besides, the fact that this was their biggest problem -- and that Demi and Isaac were in a place in their lives and in this city to be so preoccupied with it -- was a nice change, all things considered. Demi had been poised to reply to Nina’s words, after all her friend was right about things nearly one hundred percent of the time. But there was a look in Nina’s eyes, like maybe she was drifting off into thought and Demi didn’t want to disturb her. They had more than enough time to talk still, so there was no reason to rush. By now, Nina really ought to know that letting her mind wander to everything they'd overcome would often result in her getting entirely lost in her head. "Sorry," she said with another smile, this one tinged with apology before it too disappeared. "Sometimes I think I'm used to all of this, after everything, but that's clearly not the case." She gestured at the Governor's Mansion with one hand; after nearly a year, she still wasn't used to the place, and she didn't think she ever would be. “Don’t be,” Demi replied with a good natured smile. “We didn’t get used to how things were before overnight, so I don’t think it’s too strange to think we’re not going to get used to how things are now that quickly either,” truth be told there were times Demi found herself still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Though she supposed that had more to do with her entire past and not just the years they had all spent attempting to survive the outbreak. “And you have way more than some to get used to.” Demi swept her hand out to indicate the Governor’s mansion, but really what she meant was the position Nina held in Austin. It wasn’t like Nina was a civilian after all, or simply getting used to a normal live living above a bar with her significant other. Her friend had been charged with running the entire city. "Yes. There's… a lot to wrap my mind around more often than not." Nina work could be all-consuming, of course, but there was also the newness of so much of her life. "Kevin's adjusting well to his new position counseling at the sober living community, and his relationship with our parents is improving notably. I'm very… lucky in that regard." Nina wasn't sure how so much of her life had worked out for the best, actually, after being so certain of her impending arrest for so long. Demi nodded. “I’m fairly certain that my head would explode if I were in your shoes,” said with stark honesty. Talk of family always brought Demi to wondering about her own, whether they had survived Nevada falling victim to the outbreak or not. Still, she gently pulled herself out of those thoughts to remain focused on Nina. “You are lucky in that regard, but I think it’s also something you need,” she paused. “You know, to not be worrying about your family while also righting the ship that is Austin.” "It certainly makes certain things easier," Nina agreed. Even better, she was starting to get over the vague guilt she sometimes felt at how lucky she was in that regard, since so many others weren't as well-off. "To tell you the truth, I think Amanda misses government more than she'll let on, but from what I hear she's already making an impression at UT." An understatement, of course; Nina would have been gravely shocked to hear that her girlfriend had entered a new environment without drawing as much attention to herself as she could. “I think missing something you had done for a very long time is only normal,” Demi started. “But she made her decision for a reason, right?” another pause. “Also, I would have been shocked if you had said Amanda wasn’t making an impression.” She didn’t know Nina’s girlfriend well, but what she did know of the woman was that she was good at garnering attention. "Yes, she did. It was her own decision, too." Nina was well aware that people were curious why Amanda had resigned, but the choice had its roots in the intricacies of government and it never seemed appropriate to share. There was another pause as Nina's mind slid back to the things she was so readily trying to avoid, before she added: "Children aren't really a part of the future she's envisioned for herself, but so much of what she has now is unknown. I don't know how much more of her plans she's willing to adapt." “But children are something you see in your future plans?” Demi prodded gently. “Does Amanda know this?” She felt a pang of guilt at the idea that here she had been moaning about how she and Isaac weren’t pregnant yet, while Nina didn’t even know if her girlfriend was willing to adapt her plans to accommodate something Nina wanted. "Yes. We've… discussed it." The first discussion had been more of an argument inadvertently held on Nina's birthday back in January, but the conversations had progressed since then. "She's aware. So it just remains to be seen whether we can stand to find a compromise, and which one it will be." “Are you okay with that?” Demi questioned, her tone gentle yet frank. As Nina’s friend she was above all concerned about the other woman’s happiness and hoping beyond hope that she wouldn’t give up something she desired just to appease Amanda. “I’m not saying you need to have it sorted out now,” she paused. “But if it came down to it would you be happy without children in your future?” This was the first time in awhile Demi felt like Nina was truly sharing some of the personal pieces of her life that she had tucked in behind the more often heard “I’m fine”. Demi never took it as her friend not wanting to share her life. Nina was just a far more private person than she was, some who in Demi’s observations played things closer to her chest. She valued the fact that Nina was opening up now, though. "Yes and no," Nina said after a moment. This was speculation, of course, since people could change their minds without realizing, but it was still important to express. She did feel better already, too, deep down, now that they'd started talking about it. "It's all… a lot to consider. We've only been seeing each other for five months, so it's a bit early to talk about having children together." Still, Nina was very aware that she was getting older; her birthday had been a reminder that she hadn't yet fulfilled that part of her life. "Whether my future has her or children in it remains to be seen. And I'm sure I'd make a good life regardless. But -- I do think I would want them. I always thought that would be part of my future." “The beauty is nobody says you have to have your future decided this very minute,” Demi began. “But at least you know personally how you feel about having children in that future, since you’ve always pictured that for yourself.” Nina was right in that it was far too early in the relationship for the topic of children to come up, but Demi had no doubts that when or if it needed to be tackled down the road, Nina wouldn’t hesitate to do so. “So when or if that time comes at least you can go into that conversation knowing how you feel about it and then obviously things will play out however they will,” a beat passed before Demi added. “And I’m biased in your favor, so I do hope that Amanda’s feelings on the matter shift.” "Thank you." Nina paired the words with a grateful smile in Demi's direction. "We have talked about the general concept briefly, enough for us to understand the other's position. I suppose… the rest of it, like the future, is yet to be determined." “Those are very wise words and a healthy outlook on it,” Which didn’t surprise Demi in the least. Nina seemed to approach everything in her life with a cool kind of calm that she envied. After a beat Demi offered an encouraging smile as she tacked on. “I have no doubt that whatever future you make for yourself will be awesome,” she paused. “And for the record I think you’d be a damn good mom.” Her smiled turned into a wide grin. “Also, forewarning that I will likely spoil them rotten.” Nina laughed, glad for the moment of levity despite their current conversation. "Oh, I had no doubt. And I plan the exact same for the children you and Isaac have." Demi’s own laughter joined Nina’s. “I would expect nothing less, honestly,” she answered with a pleased tone in her voice. “They’ll be lucky to have you in their lives,” Demi paused. “Because I know I am.” "The feeling is more than mutual." And although nothing had been settled for either of the women, Nina couldn't help but feel as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders for the meantime. |