Who: Max Mendelson and Sasha Whittaker. Where: Quarantine and the Scherbatsky/Whittaker/Mendelson household. When: 10/2, very, very early morning. What: Max calls at the absolute buttcrack of dawn to wish his brother Sasha a happy birthday.
I know it's hard When I'm a long way from home With so much pressure on my bones I'm such a long way from home But I'll be back soon
MAX: [listens to the phone ring once, twice, three times and finally, on the fourth, he hears Sasha pick up] The year is 2000. Christina Aguilera has won the best new artist Grammy. The Razor scooter is the top selling toy. “American Beauty” won Best Picture at the Oscars. Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton get hitched and continue to be weird about their public displays of affection for the remainder of the year. And on October 2, at 4:37 a.m., which is, uh….[checks phone’s screen for time]...right now, Aleksandr Maksimovich Whittaker is born. Happy birthday, brother. [Max knows it’s early; he set his alarm to make sure he got up on time to call Sasha on the exact moment of his birth. If he can’t be there to celebrate in person, the least he can do is call him at the buttcrack of dawn to be the first to wish Sasha Happy Birthday.]
SASHA: [is less than half awake as he picks up his phone. Even so a slow smile appears as Max’s voice reading off a litany of information breaks the early morning silence.] Thank you! [his voice is still rough in that way a person’s is when they've just woken up.] You remembered all that information?
MAX: Absolutely not. I looked it up before I called. I wanted to set the mood of what the world was like before you entered into it. Kinda lame, if you ask me. [Max knows it's early but since he doesn’t have a window and is cut off from in person interaction, his perception of time feels screwy. He’s wide awake even though it's clear Sasha has been sleeping.] Am I the first to wish you Happy Birthday?
SASHA: [rolls over in bed and scrubs a hand over his face, eyes still bleary from sleep -- but definitely awake now.] Nah, not lame. It was really damn thoughtful, I mean I have no idea what a razor is [Max makes humorously incredulous noise at the other end of the line] and I’m pretty sure I’m only vaguely aware of like one scene from American Beauty. But it was still really nice. [pauses.] Plus you remembered the exact time I was born, that’s like freaking impressive. [laughs.] And yeah you are. I mean on my birthday at least. Pikachu and Mia came by with a gift yesterday and Bea stopped by the tattoo shop. [shifts on his bed, though doesn’t get up yet.] How are you doing? And don’t bullshit me, okay?
MAX: Your mom told me once. When you were born, I mean. Stuck out to me for some reason. [Max falls into silence; he misses Zhenya, too. It’s different for him than it is for Sasha, of course, but Max knows what it’s like to lose a mother. He clears his throat, trying to decide how much of what he’s feeling he should say about his time here. Sasha has so much going on and Max doesn’t want to overwhelm him anymore than he already is -- on his birthday, especially.] I’m good, Sash. Really, really. No B.S.. [pauses] They came in to check on me the other day. They, uh, strap you down. It was kinda weird but I mean, I understand. It’s for everyone’s safety. I tried to josh around with them but the doctors and nurses here aren’t the jokey type. But I mean, I can’t exactly blame them for that. [he switches topics, trying to lighten the mood] You got a date for your birthday, bro? Tell me you do.
SASHA: She really told you that? [there’s no way to ignore the pang in his chest as he talks about his mom. Losing her still stung, would probably always sting -- but it hurt that much more on his birthday.] Good, you just continue to be okay, alright? [pulls a voice as shock tinges his tone.] They strap you down? [Max’s change in topic is obvious and he’s glad for it.] Does dad count? We decided we’d spend today together. Think the closest thing I’ll get to a romantic date anywhere near my birthday was yesterday when Bea came by the shop. [pauses, the mention of Bea drew another question to the forefront of Sasha’s mind.] Has Cherry forgiven you yet?
MAX: [sighs and flops back against his pillows] Yes. No. I don’t know. It was bad at first. She said I underestimated her, that I acted stupid, that we wouldn’t work out if I always needed her to agree with me, which of course I don’t want or expect, but then when I disagreed with her that was the wrong thing, too. She said she would be mad at me if I died so I guess there’s that? But we’ve talked everyday since then. She’s still sore but I don’t think as much anymore. I don’t know, dude. [he wipes his face; thinking about Cherry makes him feel weird and he doesn’t want to feel that way when he knows he needs to be upbeat for Sasha’s special day.] Glad Bea came by the shop to visit you, though. I hope she gave you a birthday smooch. [pauses] I‘m so glad to know she’s doing okay. [If one good thing came out of this whole ordeal, it was that Bea and Dani were safe to live their normal, everyday lives.]
SASHA: [frowns, knowing this fight has to be hard on Max.] Did you underestimate her? Or were you just being you and looking out for the people you care about? Because I don’t know, I think it’s the latter. I think maybe you can call this your first fight, which I mean was bound to happen, right? And if she’s expressing being upset if you died and you’ve talked every day since, I’m not a relationship expert, but I think that’s a good sign. [he wishes he could offer better advice than what he’s just given Max, but he doesn’t dwell on that fact.] She, ah, sort of gave me more than that. I mean it’s the first time we’ve literally been alone in, well, forever. [smiles slightly, despite the fact Max can’t see him.] You know she has you to thank for that, right? I fucking hate that you got bit. But like, I’m grateful you stuck your neck out for Bea, Cherry and Dani. [pauses.] Just, once you get out of that place please avoid zombie teeth making contact with your body, okay?
MAX: [shrugs even though Sasha isn’t there to see the gesture] Honestly, the whole situation happened so fast it’s hard to say what I thought or felt or did. I just knew I’d do anything to keep those girls safe. [he considers Sasha’s comment about this being his and Cherry’s first fight] You know way more about relationships than I do, bro. Maybe you’re right. If we can get through this, that means something, right? [he’s so in his own head for a moment that he almost doesn’t catch Sasha’s comment about the nature of Bea’s visit but when he does he grins broadly.] You dog. I’m glad you guys were able to have some alone time in time for your b-day. [Max thinks about what Sasha says about Bea, that she had him to thank, and for the first time since the incident Max allows himself to feel good about what he did back at the duplex. Even if Cherry is still mad and he’s still in this place, there was undeniable, positive proof he’d done some good. It made Max feel nice.] I’m just super bummed I can’t be there with you guys. I can’t even give you a present or anything. This quarantine thing stinks.
SASHA: That’s what matters you know, the whole you’d do anything to keep them safe thing. [at least he thought that was the most important thing, protecting the people you care about.] And you know I have like one actual relationship under my belt and I was barely sixteen...I don’t know if my advice is like all that wise. But yeah, if you can get through all of this it definitely means something. [he laughs outright the moment Max picks up on what he was implying.] It’s only been like eight months in the making or something, but like, the wait was definitely worth it. Dad doesn’t know yet, I’m pretty sure he would find some reason to be upset about it. [can’t hold in the sigh or the way his tone drops a little when Max shines a light on the fact that he’s not here.] So am I. How about you make your belated gift to me, you getting out of that place in six days, okay?
MAX: [Max lets the talk of Bea and Vic drop. He knows Vic’s preoccupation with who Sasha spends time with is just him being overprotective but he doesn’t want to harp on the less pleasant aspects of Sasha’s special day. Max picks back up on the birthday talk, continuing confidently] Me getting out of here will only be part one of your gift. We can stretch the celebration out all month long. Extended birthdays are the best birthdays. [Max is hesitant to hang up but he knows it’s too early to keep Sasha on the line for too long. He just misses his brother so much; hearing his familiar voice makes it almost seem as if he’s back home again.] Hey, so, I know you’re probably sleeptalking to me right now since it’s so dang early. I won’t keep you. I just wanted to be the first to wish you happy birthday and say that even though I’m not there, I love you a crap ton and I can’t wait to see you. Alright, brother? [Max sniffles; he can’t help his eyes filling with tears but he blinks them back.]
SASHA: [is too sleepy to notice the way Max drops the talk of his dad’s overprotective stance on his dating life. He knows he means well, his dad had said as much -- but it doesn’t change the fact that having his romantic life scrutinized is a little tedious. Instead he’s grinning from ear to ear at a talk of a month long celebration.] Seriously? I mean you know I’m not going to say no to something like that. [despite the earlier hour and his half-awake status, Sasha could have spent the rest of the day talking to Max and it still wouldn’t have been enough time. He misses his brother deeply and it eases some of his concerns when he can listen to his all too familiar voice.] Nah, I’m totally awake. [the groggy tone of his voice would say otherwise.] Okay, maybe not totally, but like mostly awake. M’glad you were the first to wish me a happy birthday and I fully expect another one when you get out of there. I love you like a whole fucking lot. Take care of yourself, okay? [Sasha swipes at the tears forming before they can roll down his cheeks.] I-I can’t lose you.
MAX: [Sasha’s emotional request is more than enough to break Max’s paper thin resolve keeping his own tears at bay. He wipes his wet cheeks with his shirtsleeve and even though he’s crying, when he speaks Max’s voice is warm, confident, and clear.] You’re not gonna lose me, Sash, okay? Now go back to sleep. You got a big day ahead of you. Love you, Sash.
SASHA: [sniffles on the other end of the line, swiping at more tears as he quietly says] M’going to hold you to that, Max. Thanks for calling, it means a lot . I love you, bro.