Who: Kitty Gilmore and Nina Clarke Where: Nina’s place. What: Nina and Kitty sort some things out. When: Backdated to August 3rd, 2019 - Evening.
After what had happened the day prior, on her way to the Greenbelt, Nina badly needed normalcy. Things seemed to be resolving themselves with every day that passed and each rogue Hellhound that was locked up, but it was hard to shake how frightened she'd been when the ones they'd run into the day before had shot out the tires of their car.
It was important to not let it consume her, though. Not when she had a job to do and the responsibility of an entire city on her shoulders. There wasn't anything else she could do but continue to move on with her life. "It could've gone a lot worse," she agreed, pausing for another sip of her wine to wet her throat now that she'd finished retelling the events to Kitty. She shook her head slightly, leaning sideways against the back of her couch. "And on the bright side, we were able to bring one in after it all wrapped up."
While she listened to Nina retell her harrowing story from the day before, Kitty had a difficult time keep both the shock and horror off her face as each detail was laid out. When the government had swooped in Kitty had (maybe naively) hoped that things like this, Hellhounds attacking civilians and government employees alike might have fallen to the wayside. She had thought their city might be safe again, but then the rogues surfaced and while it was a smaller scale, one couldn’t help but feel as if the Hellhounds still had a hold on Austin, were still tormenting it in ways they had before.
Still, she didn’t voice any of that because it wasn’t what Nina needed. What the other woman needed was a sympathetic ear, someone to listen and possibly assure her that at least she was okay now. Of all the people in Austin who did not need something like this to happen to them, Nina was at the top of that list. Her job was already stressful and nearly all consuming enough. “It could have been worse,” Kitty agreed with a nod, gaze meeting Nina’s. “One less rogue on the streets is a good thing,” she added. “I only wish it hadn’t happened the way it did.”
"You and me both." It was easier for Nina to empathize with Cal's situation now, though he was long gone by now. She'd worried for her life and it'd only been one altercation. He'd faced those kinds of things every single day for years. "I suppose it's good to experience what our police force and soldiers go up against." One small silver lining.
“It might be good to know what they face first hand, but I do hope it doesn’t happen more than once for you,” The idea of someone she considered a friend being face to face with those guys made Kitty uncomfortable and worried. Shifting on the couch, Kitty pulled her legs up underneath her and took a sip of her wine. “Do you know how many more are out there?” she asked curiously, though she wouldn’t dwell on this topic much longer, there were other things the two women could no doubt be talking about.
"Five yesterday, after Mr. Greenling had brought in the one." As much as Nina was ready to move onto another topic, she was happy to confirm out loud -- almost as a reminder to herself, that things were getting better. "We're making progress." They weren't moving quickly enough for her liking, but five was better than twenty.
“Mr. Greenling?” Kitty questioned, fairly certain she had never heard that name before today. “Is he one of the APD officers?” She had more contact with the police department since moving to the Department of Justice, but still not enough to know them all by name.
"No. he's one of the Hellhound officers." Nina knew where Kitty stood on the subject and often tried to avoid mentioning them in her presence, but it was unavoidable in this instance. "The man who came to help us."
“Oh,” having been told to remain quiet if she didn’t have anything particularly nice to say, Kitty kept her response to that information simple. “Well, at least he was nearby to help.” Quickly shifting gears away from anything that might lead to more talk of the Hellhounds, Kitty focused instead on the silver lining. “Progress is something at least,” Kitty remarked, maybe a little too brightly. “Though it hasn’t seemed to give you anymore free time.” Not said as any kind of pointed remark at the lack of time the two had had to spend together, but more as an observation in general. “Soon I’ll have to start chiding you like I used to do to my dad, telling you that at this rate you’ll end up married to your job.” Kitty was of course teasing, though the other woman was walking that fine line of becoming a workaholic, or at least that’s what it looked like from Kitty’s vantage point.
"No, it hasn't." The only good thing she could say about her career in the Department of Justice's first incarnation was she'd had more free time than she did now, and there was no use in pretending otherwise. More wine, then: "Are you saying I work too much?" It was a serious, self-aware sort of question, but given their recent tendency to kiss at the end of their time together, it was a tiny bit flirtatious, too.
Trying at a serious expression, though it was cracked around the edges with a hint of a smile, Kitty nodded. “That is in fact exactly what I’m saying,” there was a hint of flirtation in her tone, even if things always seemed kind of murky whenever she and Nina ventured down this path. “Would you disagree?” She took a sip of her wine after that, eyebrow raised and expression expectant as she waited for Nina’s reply. Kitty had posed it not as a challenge so much as a question, because she was willing to hear Nina’s own take on the office hours that she kept -- after all there was always two sides to a story, right?
"I don't." Nina knew this very well; it'd become a given for her to get only a fair bit of sleep each night, though it wasn't for lack of trying. Her mind wouldn't settle enough for her to only get a few hours' worth of rest at a time. It wasn't even that she continued to work once home, either. It was just too hard to let go of the preoccupation she felt, due to the city-wide responsibility she hadn't sought until it was offered to ther.
She sighed, only able to just briefly let go of the façade she projected: that even through trying times, she had a plan. They were good friends by this point, but not close enough for her to admit that she needed more help than she had. So Nina simply shook her head, letting out another sigh, and added, "I'll work on it. No pun intended." And things like this did help.
Kitty could really only imagine the kind of responsibility that Nina had now, along with the sort of things that no doubt occupied much of her day (and possibly kept her awake at night). She had said her peace about it though, or at least felt better knowing that Nina knew she was very possibly working herself into an early grave -- something Kitty did not want to see happen to her friend. “I didn’t think you would,” she answered honestly, pausing a beat before she added. “And good. I won’t hesitate to remind you that we had this conversation, by the way.” She very vividly remembered her mother badgering her father until he took a day off, citing stuff such as he was no good to anyone if his job turned him into a shell of a person.
Obviously she wasn’t going to say that last part to Nina, but the fact remained that wearing yourself out wouldn’t help the city in the least bit, and she could guarantee none of Nina’s friends wanted to see the woman consumed by her work. “Even if that means showing up at your office and physically removing you from there.” It was said with a bit of a joking note to her voice, but Kitty would do that if it’s what it took. “After all even mayors need to have a life.”
"Good," Nina echoed, smiling gratefully at her friend despite the topic. She'd always needed to rely on other people to draw her focus, and she suspected that this wouldn't get any easier after the first two months of mayorship. Maybe one day she'd learn to regulate and distract herself. She hoped so. "And if it comes to that, I'll make sure my security team knows that's the reason why you'd be charging the door, trying to get in."
Kitty laughed. “I would appreciate the heads up given to your security team,” she paused. “Although I sort of know your bodyguard and I don’t think he’d ever suspect me of anything unseemly.” Kitty often saw Luc in passing at the LBJ, so while she couldn't claim to have had any in depth conversations with the man, she did hope he knew she wasn’t the type to attack someone -- especially not someone she considered a friend.
Nina set her now-empty wine glass on the coffee table, then looked over at Kitty once more. As pretty as she was, as much as Nina did enjoy her company and that of her children, as often as they'd ended up kissing over the last few months, there was an obstacle in the way of Nina pursuing something more and she wasn't sure what it was. It took her a moment to gather up the courage to bring it up, but once she sorted through her thoughts Nina decided to dive in fully.
"I don't think I've said recently how grateful I am for your friendship." That was what it was, wasn't it? Nina wasn't sure. "I don't think I've ever…" She was terrible at this, really. "Been friends with someone I've kissed before."
An eyebrow was quirked up as Nina spoke, this turn in conversation an unexpected one -- though Kitty supposed it had been hanging over their heads for far longer than either probably cared to acknowledge. Swirling the last little bit of wine she had around in her glass, she listened intently to what Nina was saying, smiling slightly at the last part. What was or wasn’t going on here was complicated, only punctuated more so by the other woman’s words. “I’m grateful for your friendship as well,” Kitty began. “And of the two of us I do seem to have more experience in the area of kissing friends.” she added with a slight smile. She and Zach had always been friends, even throughout their time of not knowing what they were to each other -- but now they were friends, strictly so.
Setting her wine glass on the coffee table, Kitty fixed her attention on Nina. The other woman was gorgeous, there was an attraction there -- but she could also admit there was something, though what she didn’t know, that was a roadblock or that caused them to dance around each other so often. “Have you never been attracted to a friend before?” Kitty paused. “Or have you just never acted on it?”
"I have." And Nina couldn't deny the fact that she thought of Dani briefly, though the two of them had never gotten as far as her and Kitty in this area of their friendship. "But I suppose my point is really that… I just don't have experience with this sort of thing." It was almost embarrassing to admit, especially considering the age difference between the two of them, but it was important to say.
"I didn't do a lot of dating in high school or college, but the relationships I had were fleeting and unimportant in the greater scheme of things. And then I met Gemma --" Nina cut herself off for a moment as some bit of leftover heartache from January hit her, and she forced a smile. The words were spilling out now, despite her usual reserve. "We met in graduate school, and she forced her way into my life. I don't even know if we would have dated if she hadn't pushed the issue so well, but I don't regret it despite the way it ended. But it feels like my whole life, I've always had something I needed to be pulled away from, and I don't know how to do that now. Especially not when there's so much now, and I worry that if I let go, shift my attention to someone else for even just a moment, I won't be able to take hold of it again." Her eyes met Kitty's, almost beseechingly. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say."
It was a strange feeling to know that of the two of them, Kitty might very well have more experience in this realm than Nina had. Still, it said a lot that Nina was willing to admit that in this she might have been out of her depth. In truth Kitty didn’t know exactly what the next step was here, or what in particular she should focus on in Nina’s admission. Sitting silent though was not an option, not when Nina was being so very open and admittedly vulnerable as she talked about her ex. “I don’t think it’s as simple as saying the right thing,” she began, sensing that at the core of all of this Nina wasn’t certain of what it was she wanted. “You may not find the right words until you’re able to determine what you want.” Kitty knew that she had an attraction to the woman sitting on the couch with her, but she also couldn’t say with any certainty she knew what it was she wanted here either. Because of this she wasn’t about to push Nina to determine what her own feelings were either.
“Experience or not, every relationship is complicated and different,” Something Kitty was positive Nina already knew. “I can’t say there was much thought put behind Zach and I moving from friends to something more. We had known each other since we were little and admittedly were still very young when we started, so my experience here may only be marginally more than yours.” She admitted with a faint smile. “But, when Gemma forced her way into your life, do you feel as if the attention you gave her made you less capable at whatever had been holding your attention before?” Kitty’s gaze was fixed on Nina, hazel eyes studying her (though not scrutinizing her) as she spoke. Essentially she chose to speak to Nina’s concerns about her grasp on her position as Mayor, or her fear of losing the handle she had on it if she allowed herself to have a personal life as well.
"I'm not sure." Nina's relationship hadn't gotten in the way of her graduating from law school, of course, but by the time that she'd taken her first case they'd been on the verge of breaking up. "We were both in school at the time, so when I needed to work, so did she. By the time that I'd graduated and was starting my career, we were long-distance. That came first, though -- my case, I mean -- and I needed to give it everything I had." Nina was quiet for a moment, thinking, before she added, regret clear on her face, "There were a few times, before we broke up, that I thought it would be easier if I was single. I didn't like splitting my attention." Hindsight made it easy for her to know now, though, that she had never tried.
Kitty pondered what it was Nina said, before she spoke again. “Do you believe that is what might be going on here?” She paused a beat before continuing. “That it’s not so much that you have a fear of losing your grasp on running the city, but that you don’t want to try and juggle splitting your time between that and having a personal life?” Kitty had long ago had to become accustomed to splitting her time, raising children kind of forced a person to do so. “I’m sorry, that makes it sound as if you do not want a personal life,” she gave Nina an apologetic look. “When I think really maybe you feel as if you have enough hours in the day for both?”
"I don't know, honestly." Another cop out answer -- that's what it felt like to Nina, anyway -- but it was the truth. "More hours in the day would certainly nice." She gave a wry smile, shaking her head slightly, and added, "I just feel like our city's too fragile right now; there's a crisis every other minute, considering the state Olinger left it in." Nina moved to reach for her wine glass but let her hand hover in the air once she remembered it was empty. She returned it to her lap and tapped her thumb on her knee nervously. "I still need to work on letting go of that, I think, and not taking it all so personally, before I can add anything else to my life."
While Nina might have felt like it was cop out, Kitty took her friend’s answer for what it truly was -- an admission that Nina really didn’t know in that moment what was holding her back, or what she wanted. “Wouldn’t it?” Said with a faint laugh and an understanding expression in her hazel eyes. “In some ways it’s like when you first bring home a newborn from the hospital, everything else in your life seems to pause until you have a handle on raising this fragile little person,” Maybe her comparison was wrong, but Kitty felt like if she put things in those terms she understood the position Nina was in just a little bit better. “I think the fact that you can identify that is a start,” Kitty began as she leaned forward and set her own empty wine glass on the coffee table. “Maybe just take baby steps, like one night a month you do something purely for you. Be it staying in, having friends over, or even casually dating. Just make sure it has nothing to do with work,” she paused. “And once you can spend that night almost entirely disconnected from work, then maybe start considering what you want in your personal life.”
Kitty fell silent for only a moment before she added. “And while we clearly both know there’s an attraction here between us. I want you to know I’m just as happy being your friend as I would be if there was something more here,” she stopped for just a moment, a wry smile turning up her mouth. “And anyway, I say we navigate the “friends who sometimes kiss” realm of life fairly well.”
"I think we do, too." Nina was grateful for not only the suggestion -- a great one, in her opinion -- but the reassurance that she hadn't managed to disrupt their friendship due to all the accidental kissing that had happened between them over the last few months. No matter what, she liked to hope things between them would work out; it felt easier to think that now. "And I'll work on that one night a month as best as I can. Starting with tonight."