Who: Cherry Chan and Mina Kulseth Where: The Bar What: Mina is devistated at her father's kidnapping and runs back into the arms of her security blanket, Cherry When: May 8th, afternoon-evening
Don't be afraid, close your eyes Let me take you to places that you've never been tonight I thought by now you'd realize I can do anything I put my mind to I can make the stars dance Light up the moon, I can make the stars dance If you want me to
Routine was good for Mina. Although her father was kidnapped and her personal life seemed to be falling apart, Mina still dragged herself out of bed after a sleepless night and reported to the UMCB for work. There was nothing she could do to find her dad, but she could at least continue to help her clients. So that’s what she did.
But once she finished her paperwork for the day, instead of heading back to the Capitol, she navigated her way to the bar that she’d first seen Cherry again all those months ago. She entered just how Cherry told her, and once she was inside the building, her footsteps echoed off the walls as she navigated to the main service area.
“Cherry?” She called out, not spotting her at first, though the booth in which the other woman was sitting wasn't too far away.
"I'm over here." Cherry stood up as Mina approached, an uncertain expression on her face before deciding that, tension between them or not, her friend needed a hug. It was a loose gesture at first, while Cherry waited to see just how Mina would take the closeness, but the moment Cherry’s arm wrapped around Mina, she burrowed her face into the other woman’s neck, relishing the comfort of it.
Cherry was quiet for a moment then, rubbing her friend's back and mulling over how fucked up everything was, before finally asking, "Do you want to talk about it? Or --" She cut herself off for a moment, grasping for words. "I brought moonshine, in case you don't want to talk. My friend said it was okay if we spent the night, so."
Much as Mina didn’t want to let go, eventually she pulled back and had every intention of answering Cherry’s question, but instead instantly felt tears welling in her eyes. She felt so stupid, even though logically Mina knew she had every reason to be upset. Her father was missing -- kidnapped for God’s sake. Who knew if she would ever see him again. Blinking rapidly, trying to fight off the waterworks, she said, “Can we sit down?”
Cherry swallowed hard, nodding quickly as she backed away, grabbing Mina's hand and pulling her down into the booth. Instead of taking a seat on the opposite side, she slid in next to her and turned to face Mina. Their hands were still linked, Mina giving Cherry’s had a grateful squeeze. "It's okay," she said then, before shaking her head and speaking again to better explain herself. "I don't mean -- what happened isn't okay. But it's okay to be upset about it."
“I know what you meant,” Mina said, looking down at their hands. Seeing Cherry’s hand in hers was the most steadying thing she’d encountered since she’d learned the news, and though Mina knew she would pay for it later, the relief right now was too worth it.
“I just, he’s my dad, you know? He’s the strongest person I know and how could someone just take him. Jane didn’t even know why they were taking him. I feel so helpless. I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.”
Cherry squeezed Mina's hand, her eyes dropping down to them as she debated whether or not mentioning that this sounded like what had happened to Rodeo would be well received. She decided to err on the side of caution, knowing just how tenuous their friendship still was, and bit her lip.
"Nothing ever makes sense these days," she said simply, glancing over at Mina. "But just because things are like, so terrible all the time doesn't make it any easier when things like this happen."
“First my mother didn’t get to see me grow up and now my dad will never really know who I am. I--I keep too much for him because it never seems like a good time to have the hard conversations, but now I’ll never get to have any conversations--” Her words came to an abrupt halt as she gasped for breath, suddenly finding herself hyperventilating in her distressed state. All the time it was her being the calm one and soothing people who were hysterical, but now she was the one having a meltdown. It happened so infrequently, that when it did, it really did.
Cherry had been present for only a few of Mina's previous meltdowns, way back when in college; she knew just how rare they were and though she'd been able to mitigate them back then, she wasn't sure if she could today. Not when it was over something as serious as Mr. Kulseth turning up MIA. She shifted in the booth, turning to face Mina head-on and pull her into her arms once more. "Breathe, sweetie," she murmured, even as her throat tightened in sympathy and her eyes started to tear up. It wasn't easy, losing anyone, but especially after you'd already lost someone before. Cherry hated watching Mina go through it, too.
It took longer than Mina would have liked to admit for her to regain control over her breathing, but eventually her inhales and exhales stopped feeling like needles were stabbing her throat and her lungs we no longer on fire. Cherry remained where she was, her arms around Mina, and rested her chin on the top of her friend's head as she waited for her to calm down.
“Are there things you wish you could have told your parents before--” Mina stopped short, finding it too difficult to actually vocalize that Cherry’s mom and dad were dead.
"Before they went?" Cherry supplied, though the words caused a twist of sadness to echo through her. Thinking about her family, despite the fact that she considered herself a person who'd come to terms with it, still had that effect on her. She guessed it always would. "I have a lot of regrets," she said, exhaling audibly as she gave a wry, brief smile. "I just… try to not think about it, otherwise it'll eat me up, you know?"
“Yeah, I know,” Mina replied, somberly. That was the problem--Mina thought about it and it did eat her up. And probably would for the rest of her life now because her dad was gone and probably not coming back.
Cherry nodded in response, rubbing her back in what she hoped was a reassuring way. Something Mina had said, though -- my dad will never really know who I am -- caused Cherry to lean down, trying to look her friend in the eyes while still maintain their position snuggled up together. Sure, they hadn't been in touch for a while, but Cherry had no idea what she could possibly be referring to. And this sounded like a super big deal.
"Who are you?" she asked then, almost abruptly, without waiting for an opportunity to slowly change the topic. "I mean, what is it about you that your dad doesn't know?" And sure, maybe this was indelicate to ask now, but Cherry couldn't help but be curious.
“Nobody really knows. Except this girl I know at the hospital and that’s only because she kissed me just to test a theory,” Mina explained, though she wasn’t really making any sense. But this was a big deal. She’d never really had to come out to anyone before. Whenever she went to the lesbian bars it was just a given that she was interested in women. But this--this was scary as hell. “I’m, God this is weird. I’m gay. And I’m almost 30 years old and I never told my dad. What kind of coward does that make me? He puts his life on the line for his job and I couldn’t even tell him that I like to kiss women.”
The hyperventilating was back.
"Hey," Cherry said hastily, turning to face Mina, shifting to grab her by both shoulders. "Breathe, okay? It's okay." She kept her eyes on Mina's, forcing the eye contact even as her mind reeled from the revelation. After all, how had she not known about this? They'd lived together, been best friends for years… Had Mina been gay the whole time? Well, that was how it worked, so she must've been.
The rest of what Mina had said hit Cherry then and she frowned, biting her lip. She had the presence of mind to know that clarifying whether Mr. Kulseth knew or not would just be rubbing salt in the wound, but she couldn't imagine going through life with a secret like that. Cherry could barely keep other people's news to herself, let alone her own. Especially something as big as this. Even though love had never worked out for her, she couldn't imagine stifling that part of herself and not feeling as though she could explore it. How did it feel to look at your family and friends and know that they didn't know the real you?
Suddenly Mina wasn't the only one who was crying. Cherry sniffled, the tears openly falling down her face, and said, her voice thick, "Your dad loves you no matter what. He's going to love you no matter what, okay? And I do, too."
“He’s probably dead,” Mina wailed out through choked sobs, not even trying to stop it anymore. She was far away from her sister and step-mom and didn’t have to pretend to be okay… and she really wasn’t. She had no idea where her life was going and she threw herself into her work to avoid how damn lonely she felt all the time. Adding that to her dad being gone, God knows where, life really felt like it was too much right now. How was she ever going to put herself back together after losing her dad? She wasn’t so young that she could pretend like it barely happened this time.
“What am I even going to do? Who’s going to love someone like me? I’m damaged goods,” she said, crying harder.
"Stop, please." Cherry didn't know how she managed the words through her tears, nor did she know when she'd pulled Mina into another hug. The only certainty in her life was that this felt right despite everything being so wrong, her and her best friend facing the world together. She didn't know why Mina couldn't see her the way she saw her, but she was determined to try.
"You're more than that. You're so smart, and so caring, and so responsible, and someone is going to love you as much as I love you. And no matter what, I'll be here for you as long as you let me. I know I've messed up before, and I'm not perfect, and I -- I mean, if you can still forgive someone like me and still want to be around me after everything I did… You're such a good person." And I'm not, Cherry added silently in her head.
Mina’s heart felt like it was beating way too fast but also caving in on itself or something because it hurt so damn much to hear Cherry say that she loved her when Mina knew it would never be the way that she wanted.
It was so stupid to keep thinking like that though, so she pushed it away and sniffed before reaching up and wiping away the tears under her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do or how to do this. What if it’s too late for me?”
"Are you kidding?" Cherry reached out to swipe at an errant tear that had streaked its way down Mina's cheek, biting her lip. Her own crying was beginning to fade, too, manifesting itself only in the odd sniffle here and there. "We're so young. There's still so much that could happen." As long as they could keep themselves safe, of course.
Cherry suddenly found herself wondering if Mina had ever been bitten. She frowned briefly, shoving the thought away, then said, "I can help, if you want! To be like, more open and accepting and to help you find someone who might be perfect for you!"
Maybe it was the feeling of being at rock bottom or maybe it was being so close to Cherry, but shockingly, Mina found herself nodding to agree with Cherry’s proposition. “Yeah, okay. I guess it couldn’t hurt,” she sniffled before suddenly asking, “Do you think they have wine here?”
"I'm not sure, but we could always ask! My friend and her boyfriend own the place, so…" Cherry paused then, trailing off after her near-immediate perking up at the sound of wine. Surely some alcoholic courage could help them both just then, considering their current state? "If you want, I can go see if I can find them and then find some wine."