Olivia Jensen is on her way to ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ғᴀsᴛ (sprinted) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2016-04-10 19:55:00 |
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It was funny how for the last six months, all Olivia had wanted was to go out into Austin and run its abandoned, half-demolished streets. She'd adhered to her old sleeping schedule even while out of commission, rising early and watching the scouts go out from her window up on the tenth floor. Sometimes, the jealousy felt like it would eat her alive. She'd spent all of March focusing on getting better, doing all the exercises Nick had prescribed and, once she got over her initial worries, pushing herself to improve. All of it had been with tomorrow in mind: the first day she'd go out again, with a small list of supplies to gather and NIck by her side. And now that the moment was just within reach, it was the last thing she wanted to do. As the door to the Oval Office creaked open and Maizie stepped in, Olivia took her earbuds out and tilted sideways so her girlfriend could see her around the pallet divider that separated their side from the center of the room. "Savannah's going to be home late," she said with a brief smile, hoping she didn't look as nervous as she felt. "I think Uncle Nathaniel's with her, too." Dropping her knapsack inside the door, Maizie rolled her shoulders, working out the stiffness from carrying the heavy bag back from the lending library. More than two months since the siege and she was still hauling way too much ‘just in case’ stuff over there with her every day. Probably something she should think about changing, before the pack’s straps gave her a permanent slouch or something. Now that she’d finished stretching, Maizie’s attention shifted to land on where her girlfriend’s face was peeking out from behind the barrier. She gave a little wave, breaking into a grin at the sight of Liv. It was amazing how much her weariness lifted just by them being back in the same room again, better than coffee for a quick burst of energy. With only a small delay to toe off her shoes, she made a beeline to their side of the bedroom. “I don’t mind Savannah staying at work just this once, since it means I get you to myself for a little.” She paused long enough to kiss her girlfriend hello, then continued on as she started to change out of her jeans and back into a more comfortable pair of knit shorts. “Was it just me or was today, like, at least twice as long as usual?” "Yeah, it kind of was." Olivia made no attempt to hide the way she openly looked at Maizie while she changed. She made quick work of her earbuds, wrapping the cord around her phone, then moved over to make room for Maizie on the bed. As grouchy as she was, it was impossible to ignore the way her spirits lifted now that they were together. And better yet, the Poseys were on some important phone call and, hopefully, wouldn't be up for a little while longer. Fingers crossed, at least; Olivia was still getting used to a fourth body in the Oval Office. She pulled her legs up onto the bed, crossing them underneath her for a moment before deciding to lie down with her head in Maizie's lap instead. "Did something happen today? Or I guess, nothing happened if it felt like it lasted forever? Which, I mean. It could be worse." As they both now knew well, it could always be worse. “Nothing happened,” Maizie reassured, her hand stroking through Liv’s hair. It had been long enough since the siege for her days to fall back into a routine, and she no longer found herself checking the windows as frequently, as if expecting the horde to reappear and surround the building again. “And trust me, I’d take that over something any time. Even if it is boring.” Olivia gave a quiet sort of 'hmm,' her gaze up on Maizie's face. The anxious tension was continuing to fade away, bit by bit, but she still couldn't help the way her eyes had narrowed. "I think we've had enough 'somethings' for a lifetime," she agreed. Looking down at her girlfriend’s face, Maizie smiled and shifted her hand to brush a thumb along the edge of Liv’s jaw. The fact that she was allowed these little intimate gestures hadn’t grown old, probably never would get old, and so she shamelessly took advantage of every opportunity to perform them. “This part of my day is pretty good so far, though. So tell me what you did while I was off alphabetizing books.” "You're definitely the best part of all of my days." It was the kind of sappy shit that Maizie was always spouting, but Olivia couldn't help the way she felt. She turned her head slightly, leaning into Maizie's touch, and closed her eyes. "Water stuff in the morning, then rehab with Nick, and then…" She shrugged her shoulders a little, willing herself to stay cool. "I don't know. We're -- he's -- thinking about going out tomorrow. So, like, yeah. I don't know what's going to happen with that." It would be pointless to deny the way Maizie’s stomach dropped at the mention of Liv making a supply run the next day. Which was stupid, because it was something that Liv had done hundreds of times before, and anyway Maizie sincerely believed there wasn’t a better scout in the city. Thinking about the way that last trip had gone so horribly awry still worried her, though. And if she was worried, then odds were good that Liv -- who'd had her whole recovery period to replay that memory -- was even more freaked out by the idea. It was possible, of course, that she was projecting her own feelings onto Liv, but there was only one way to be sure. “And he wants you to go with him,” Maizie supplied. She kept running her thumb along Liv’s jaw, but watched her girlfriend’s expression more carefully than she had been a few moments before. “Do you think you want to?” Olivia's eyes opened at the question and she pursed her lips, shaking her head just the barest of amounts. "I don't know," she said, turning in Maizie's lap so she was lying on her side, legs curled up closer to her chest. "I keep going back and forth, I guess. I mean, I've wanted to go out for months, but, like." She'd always known that scouting was dangerous; she'd had to argue for the right to do it almost three years ago. But that had been when the thing she feared the most were the walking dead, not the actual living people still left on the Earth. And knowing that the threat of Los Nopales hadn't yet been resolved, that they were still out there, well. "No," she said then, a bit more firmly than she really felt. "I don't want to." She shook her head again, then crossed her arms as best as she could. "Gonna text him and tell him as much." “Do it in a minute. I’m comfy like this, and I’ll be sad if you get up,” Maizie replied. There was no missing how her question had made Liv suddenly tense, which was enough confirmation in her mind that Liv was more worried than she was letting on. And there was every reason for her to be wary of going out -- she had already confronted so many more dangers than Maizie would ever be able to understand. "Okay," Olivia said with obvious skepticism. She uncrossed her arms, one of her hands groping at her pocket for her phone before remembering it was on the other side of Maizie and recrossing them. All that cool she'd wished for herself just a moment ago was so far out of reach now, pushed away by the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears. The last thing Maizie wanted to do was sound condescending or belittling or whatever. As she considered what to say next, her gaze drifted to what she could see of the Oval Office around the divider, and eventually landed on the strap of her backpack, barely visible and still laying where she'd dropped it. “I think physically, like as far as your recovery goes, Nick wouldn’t send you out before you were ready, but I get why you don’t want to go.” She frowned slightly and wet her lips before going on. “Or, at least, I think I do. I mean, you’re talking to the girl who’s still carrying three days’ worth of supplies with her every time she goes to work. For no reason.” "It's not 'for no reason.'" It'd half been Olivia's idea for Maizie to bring the extra things in the first place, anyway. "You never know when something's gonna happen again." She exhaled sharply as her nerves continued to spike, mingling with the defensiveness that had creeped up at Maizie's words. "The way things are these days, we can't afford to take any risks anymore. So I'm not gonna go." “Alright, not for no reason,” Maizie amended. Maybe it was her imagination, but she was pretty sure she could feel Liv’s nerves becoming more tightly coiled by the second. Maizie’s hands stilled for a moment as she debated whether playing with Liv’s hair was soothing or too much stimulation. After a second, and still undecided, she started up again. “Anyway, now that there are emergency supplies at the lending library, all that stuff is really just a security blanket that I’ve been hauling around because it made me feel better about going back to the lending library again. Still does.” Sure, she hadn't had a dream about the horde in a while, but she still caught herself checking the windows while she worked. “I guess I’m just trying to say that it’s okay if you’re nervous or scared, you know? And that I am too, sometimes.” "I'm not. I just don't want to go, you know?" Olivia wasn't scared, anyway: she was terrified. Admitting that out loud, though, felt like an additional layer of fear that she wasn't yet able to push aside. It would be an acknowledgement of the fact that Los Nopales had taken more from her than just her ability to run, that they'd made a mark on her that hadn't yet healed over. It didn't help that she knew Maizie could tell that just how anxious she was and the fact that, for all intents and purposes, her girlfriend was actively attempting to calm her down. Every one of her tells, from each shaky breath to the way her hands had curled into fists without her realizing, made her feel like her weaknesses were on display. Olivia set her jaw and pushed herself up, shifting away from Maizie. "I'll be okay," she said then, but the words sounded false even to her. "Nick will understand." With her position disturbed by Liv’s sudden movement, Maizie let her hands drop, fingers laced together, into her now-empty lap. She heard the lie, knew the signs of Liv shutting down -- and shutting her out, as a consequence. It really seemed like getting Liv to talk would be a good thing, but if she didn’t want to … well, Maizie knew she couldn’t make it happen. Even if it sucked to see Liv still obviously upset. “Hey, I know you’re going to be okay. Nick knows it too.” Rather than push any more, though, she backed off. There was a beat of silence, and for lack of anything else to do with it, Maizie reached to give Liv’s knee a distracted pat. “You're ready when you’re ready.” Olivia shrugged, shaking her head. Would she ever be ready? How would she even know when she was ready? She knew it was all her doing, but the guilt she felt at hurting Maizie wasn't helping to manage her nerves. "I guess we'll see when that happens," she said, biting her lip and taking a deep breath, then another, until she could bear to pretend things were okay again. "Let's go get dinner." |