Nicholas 'Nick' Choi (stadion) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2016-02-23 20:36:00 |
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Days had passed since Nick, Jeremy and Nadia had ran for the lives - literally - from the horde of zombies that later kept them all trapped inside their shelter, separated and ill prepared for the siege that had befallen them. Days that seemed to have left a bone deep exhaustion behind, even now, even as they were free from the shambling dead who wanted to take a bite out of them if they left the safety of the library, Nick couldn't shake it, couldn't be grateful. His mind kept zeroing back around to the image of himself and the two scouts running for their lives, unknowingly bringing the reanimated dead straight to their doorstep. While nobody had even uttered the words that this was on them, that they had done it. Nick would always see it that way, would remember that he nearly caused the loss of lives because they just had to go out for a couple bottles of shampoo and other items that could have waited. Or hunkered down in some abandoned building until it was safe. It wouldn't have been the first time he had done that, nor would it have been the last. “Stop playing the what ifs through your head,” Nick muttered to himself as he stared at the shelf of toothpaste, mouthwash and other dental hygiene items. He was doing inventory, preparing to move items into smaller storage areas in the buildings that had been cut off from them during the siege. Even while he was engrossed in his current task and thoughts, he didn't miss the sound of footsteps in the storage space. Setting aside the clipboard he held onto, Nick peered around the end of the aisle and managed the ghost of a smile when he caught sight of Nadia. “Hey,” he greeted her. “Shouldn't you be sleeping? Or celebrating or something?” “Ah, yes, with the wild clubbing scene that is the Lyndon Johnson Library,” she said dryly, but there was a weary smile wreathing her expression, familiar to him after half a year of working together. “Just because you and I have never seen said clubbing scene doesn't mean it doesn't exist,” Nick fired back, managing a genuine smile - though it was tinged with the bone deep exhaustion he felt. “We might just not be cool enough to garner invites,” said with the same note of humor that Nadia was doubtlessly familiar with due to their time working alongside each other. He was grateful for the fact that Nadia didn't ask him why he was down here digging around and not upstairs in his bed. The truth was that he couldn't sleep, because every time he laid down his mind wouldn't let him enjoy this win, it just kept reminding him that things could have ended so much worse - that he could have been responsible for loss of life. Nadia didn’t offer an explanation for her presence either, but pulled up her full backpack with one clenched hand. It had sat in a corner of the social justice wing throughout the whole siege, forgotten about in all the panic of hoping they wouldn’t be overrun. She unzipped it now, starting to remove the supplies that had been so hard-won on their doomed trip. As if she’d read Nick’s mind—though it came more from being haunted by the same thoughts and worries—Nadia announced as she placed the items, “Paper, pencils, and shampoo. What a big waste, no?” Nick’s eyes fell on the backpack for only a moment, watching quietly as she pulled each item out. Things that had seemed so important at the time, but as the Brazilian woman pointed out, now seemed like a waste. “Definitely not worth what we’ve been through the last few days,” he answered honestly, knowing that just as Nadia was familiar with his humor, she was also familiar with his habit of speaking honestly. “Which, I didn't get much of a chance to see you while everything was happening,” he moved closer to her now, concern written across his face. “How’re you holding up?” “Not injured, not bitten, not overrun, so… the same as ever, I think,” she said with a crooked smile. “But we are definitely going to need to redistribute the supplies, make sure each building is stockpiled the same. Looks like you are already on it.” Nick could admit he was relieved by Nadia’s words. “Considering what we just got through, same as ever seems pretty damn good,” he remarked, picking up his clipboard again and jotting down a couple of notes. “And I am,” Nick paused. “Actually, I'm kind of ashamed I hadn't thought to do that before now…” Maybe he had allowed himself to become too comfortable with how safe the Library felt. Whatever the reason was, Nick wasn’t going to let something like this happen again. She shrugged slightly. “We thought the fences would hold. From what I hear, the library has not had to face a horde as big as that before? Not your fault we were surprised.” Nadia had spent days chewing over their situation, however, trying to pick through the lingering stewing guilt. It had been too reminiscent of Luckenbach: travelers bringing doom and disaster onto an innocent shelter’s doorstep. She considered the matter again, fussing with one of the mouthwash bottles he’d just counted up. Then the woman cleared her throat and spoke up: “If there had not been an explosion, Nick, then we would have been fine.” The explosion probably truly was to blame for their situation, yet Nick couldn't shake the lingering guilt he felt - even if Nadia was correct. “But there had been an explosion and I should have accounted for that when we went out,” he countered as he moved closer to his scout and position himself so that he could meet her gaze. “It's my job to keep my scouts safe and I not only endangered you and Jeremy, but the whole damn shelter…” Nick trailed off, his normally optimistic outlook a bit shaken. “God, sorry, you don't need me unloading all my guilty thoughts on you.” “I was there with you, Nicholas.” Whenever Nadia used people’s full names, it always sounded fond and affectionate, rather than a reprimand. “If you are feeling guilty for what happened, well. So do I.” She stopped nudging around the mouthwash and met his gaze defiantly, chin lifted slightly. “So, okay. We fucked up. But we will do better next time, and we are still alive to learn from it. We know how many days we can survive on stockpiles, so we can scale back and become more careful when there is more zombie movement outside. It is not the end of the world. Or… I mean, it is, but that does not mean the end of us.” If anyone else had used his full name, Nick probably would have grimaced. Nadia had a way about saying it though that didn't come out sounding like his mom whenever she had reprimanded him. The frown lines between his eyebrows grew when the Brazilian woman identified that she too felt responsible or guilty for what had happened. She had only been out there because of him, she shouldn't feel any guilt at all. “Nadia,” Nick began, setting aside all thought of continuing the task that had brought him into the storage area in the first place. “I'm not sure it’s a ‘we’ thing, you were only out there because I asked you to be. Still, who knew that you would end up giving me a pep talk on staying positive? Normally that’s my job. We are going to learn from this, I mean if you don't learn from history you’re doomed to repeat it, right?” He had to laugh at the last bit about the end of the world. Some days it didn't look as dire as others, but there was no escaping the fact that their world had and was changing...but Nick still had faith that there was light at the end of this tunnel. “Right,” she echoed back, the corner of her mouth twitching in something almost a smile. Gallows humour. It was how they got through the day, a lot of the time. “Sometimes, it’s only thing we can do. And that will have to be enough.” Live free, run away, live to breathe another day. Isn’t that how it went? |