Max followed dutifully behind Dani, already thinking of what he should say and do at his goodbye. She reached out to him, putting her arms around him and, for a moment, it felt like old times. Max savored all the little details about the embrace and of Dani, just in case it was the last time he'd get to do this. He never used to think that way; he'd accept the small, easily given gestures of friendship gladly and with little thought to where the next one would come from. Now, all he can think about is if they'll ever meet again. She pulled away and Max inwardly grappled with how they'd part ways. He could be respectful and professional...maybe that was what she wanted from him. Or he could pretend it was like old times; hit her with a joke and a high five. But, even as his mind raced to think of viable options, he knew it wasn't right. The scenarios felt forced and off. He couldn't pretend he was simply doing her a favor or professional courtesy just as he couldn't put aside what had happened in the past few months and pretend they were as they always had been. No, it would be a lie and Max was done lying to Dani.
Dani asked him if he was ready and Max swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I didn't...I mean, I do want you to be safe, with the phone, but you have to know that wasn't why I'm here."
He had addressed this confession to his shoes, scuffing the toe on the grubby, crimson carpet. He forced himself to look at Dani but it was hard. Looking at Dani was like looking at the sun; bright and beautiful and awe-inspiring that you once you build up the nerve to look properly you fear you might never be able to look away.
"I miss you," he fumbled. He stopped. He tried again, louder this time, and more clear. "I miss you. Like, all the time. Something happens in my day and I think, Dani would find that interesting or, oh man, Dani would get a kick out of that. But I can't...I feel like it's not my place anymore to just call you, or text, just to say hi or to talk about nothing. So I felt like I needed the phone excuse to see you. I'm sorry...I mean, I did do what I said I would...your phone is safe now but it was all under false pretenses and that was super shady. I'm sorry, Dani...really." Max paused and spoke; more to himself than to Dani. "It's funny; you're still here and I'm missing you already."
It's not funny. It's not funny at all. Why did he say that? How is he still talking? Is he having a stoke? Max isn't sure but he's glad he stops himself before he confesses all his secrets. Admitting how much of a mess he is without her is one thing; coming clean about being completely ass-over-teakettle in love with her was wholly other.
"So, no. I'm not ready to leave but...I know we have to. You need to get home and so do I. I just didn't want you to think that it was just about a phone or whatever."
Max is embarrassed but smiles through it. He always does. He nodded toward the door, his eyes averted once more.