2/2
Rodeo glances down, but he doesn't keep his eyes averted from Lita's for long. No matter how tempting it is, he won't look away. It seems too cowardly, and she doesn't deserve to hear this from a coward. "I thought maybe if you believed I was good, I could be good. That I'd be a better man when I was with you, just on account of you believin' I was. And I know I lied. But I didn't want you to just believe I was a man worthy of you. I wanted to be worthy. And hell, I think it was workin'. 'Cause you shoulda seen some o' the moves I was makin', I mean I was on a roll. Pullin' back on the violence. Talkin' revolution instead of retribution. Got a woman thought I was golden and I felt all gold. I thought I could do it, could be somethin' good for you and my sister and her baby boy, for everybody here who's lookin' to me to decide where the tide is flowin'... 'Course I thought about the fact that lyin' would get between us eventually but I just... I just didn't want you to find out the truth about me. I reckoned if I saw it in your eyes too, saw you lookin' at me like everybody else does, like it's just a matter of time before I fuck something up, I'd just... I don't know. Fuck something up, probably. Guess it didn't matter whether you believed I would or not, though. 'Cause I can't deny what I am, right?"
He takes a breath, and pulls gently on Lita's hand, wanting to draw her a little closer. He just wants to be close. He knows he doesn't deserve it, knows she shouldn't let him, but if she wants to push him away he'll let her. If she doesn't, he'll have just a fraction of the closeness he craves. "I can't touch something without ruinin' it. I've made more mistakes than I can ever count. I got a lot of fuckin' regrets in this life, my darlin', but I'll be goddamned if lettin' you walk outta here right now is gonna be one of 'em." He readjusts his grip on her hand, wanting to hold it tighter, more securely. "Stay with me. Just tonight."